President Stonks

Go Lobos or whatever. Fuck Rio Rancho that places sucks. Parody account in no way affiliated with UNM or Garnett Stokes

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Just ingested a catalytic converter

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Not the VP pick we need but the one we deserve

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

After seeing the way you all drive. I’ve added drivers ed as a core class to every UNM major and minor. Effective this coming fall semester. Go Bo’s

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Never again can I gaze upon the beautiful spots of Earth and enjoy them as being the finest thing I have ever seen. Camel Rock is far above them all. - Aldo Leopold

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Happy birthday to all gay people 🎉

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

It’s all fun and games till your religious friend starts casting spells at the function

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

6 beers and 2 pounds of gyro meat I’m so zen

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Starting to leave a series of foreboding video game-esque audio logs around my work place for the next graduate student to find and piece together

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

If I see one of you goofy ass motherfuckers wearing the google vision on campus you’re getting expelled instantly. Go lobos!

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Friendly reminder lobos it’s not an “unpaid internship” or a “volunteer opportunity” if you steal enough printer toner to constitute a salary

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Don’t worry Lobos me and my team have heard your feedback and are working hard to fix the parking problems on campus. Tonight we will be removing the catalytic converters on 40% of all overnight parked cars in order to reduce demand.

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Was just reminded that French Canada exists. Day ruined

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Best part about being a drug free campus is when they let me hunt down the vape smokers

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Ten likes and we’ll vaporize Dane Smith Hall

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Many people don’t know this but if you’re in the masters program at UNM at any point your advisor can challenge you to a duel and if they win you have to do a full PHD

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

The catalytic converters on campus are free you can just take them!I have thirty catalytic converters in my office right now. Surprised more people aren’t talk about this

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Unfortunately due to the recent balkanization of Albuquerque by local government Hokona Hall now resides within Rio Rancho. Go Bo’s!

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

It’s not enough to just destroy Rio Rancho we need to salt the very Earth it was built on so nothing can ever again be built in such a horrid place

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Apparently some stuff happened with the basketball team so like go Lobos or whatever

[President Stonks @UNMPresident]

Jesus died for the spins of his chosen people (Miller high life drinkers).