USA Ultimate

The National Parody Account for the sport of Ultimate in the United States.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

The 2024 USA Ultimate D-I College Championships have been canceled.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

@felawful @FiveUltimateLLC @vcultimate @SunbreakTourney What’s your mailing address, the square root of your USAU ID number, your maternal grandmother’s last name, and the last four digits of your social security number? We’ll mail you some new stickers.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

UPDATE: Mid-Atlantic Club Regionals has been canceled. (Permanently. Forever.)

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

@uchi_supernova They’re actually edible.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

@JM_Rallo @Mike_Ball423 D-III, eh? Never heard of it.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Narcing on your opponents is actually the highest form of respect. If you disagree, you don’t fully understand Spirit of the Game.

[Wally Kwong @Wally_Kwong]

@mgdmitch The rules now allow for sideline players to call offsides in games without observers, yet I’ve not seen any team do it. Outside teams I coach 😁

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

The 2023 Club Uniform Guidelines stipulate that players in all divisions are prohibited from growing facial hair or wearing jersey numbers higher than 30. https://t.co/p07hqGWKtM

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

He forgot to shotgun a beer.

[Ultimate Frisbee Association 🥏 UFA @watchUFAtv]

Offseason vibes with Matt Smith 🏝️🌊

MTA x Hurricane Catch

@atlantahustle | #AUDL2023

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Let’s not forget to credit @theAUDL, hosts of the original Shred Fest.

[Ultimate Herald-Trib @UltiHerald]

15 Players Who Have Shredded Their Penises on AUDL Turf.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

@LGrippley We’re actually 12. Look it up.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Yes. The PDGA and DGPT can unequivocally fuck off.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Ha. Nerds.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Do we look like an organization that’s got “repair the history pages” money?

[Brody @WilliamBrotman]

@geehaaddy @USUAltimate I don't know if USAU has plans to repair the history pages. The old ones are still at https://t.co/LqeFKUjAZj but they also partnered with us to help build out https://t.co/oSO75sC9oq

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Do we look like an organization that’s got “functional website” money?

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Do we look like an organization that’s got “new commercial” money?

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Exactly.

[Being Goalty @Being_goalty]

@USUAltimate the fuck is an Aria

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

Pay for it with some of that Aria money, you nerds. We put that shit in the rulebook as a joke. You’re not actually supposed to play with those.

[Revival @RVAXFlatball]

I would like a refund of $22.10 for parking from @USUAltimate. Please and thank you.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

There are many differences between USA Ultimate and the AUDL, but one thing is for certain: Tom Crawford’s nudes have more tasteful composition, better lighting, and his bush is much tidier.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

@ty_carr1

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

ATTENTION: Games at SFI East will resume once the BOFA Index falls below 7. Stay tuned for updates.

[USA Ultimate @USUAltimate]

SFI East games will resume at 4:00, but if anyone says anything about how it’s “just as hot as this morning” we are going to, like, totally freak out.