Uber Dad Jokes

Dad Jokes for Days! 🥃

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees.

"How do you know exactly how many" I replied.

"Easy, I keep a log..."

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

Because they might crack up..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

I had a dream i was swimming in an ocean of fizzy drink..

It was a fanta sea.

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

My son saw a gay ghost in his bedroom last night

It came out of the closet..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what’s your blood type?”

“I’m probably a type O” said the rabbit.

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

@bmaryman 😁👍

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

HDMI..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

I programmed a pirate game, but the main character doesn’t look enough like a pirate..

There will be a coming patch soon.

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

Did you know Mortal Kombat is based on an old Scandinavian church song ?

It’s a Finnish hymn..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

If you see a crime at an Apple store, what does that make you?

An iWitness..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

@mac_mccaskill 😂

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What do you do with a sick pig

Call the Hambulance..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

Never throw sodium chloride at someone..

That's assault.

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry?

58..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What are a giant's pronouns?

Fe/Fi/Fo/Fum..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

@JoeWBowles 😂😂

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

Losing my hair made me sad. So I bought a cheap wig..

It was a small price toupee.

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny..

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

@Puggle4KU @kcrunner123 😂😂

[Uber Dad Jokes @UberDadJokes]

What do you call a three eyed tiger?

A Tiiiger..