Ufuk Muratoqlu

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/WSwjYlACEe

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/tlt2B5L6KM Since I can't afford porn, I just turn on tennis and shut my eyes.

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

My phone reception is so clear, I can hear my wife's eyes rolling as I talk. http://t.co/PwYWUxx3ya

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/bfVxYxGp8Q Whoever coined the phrase coined the phrase is a fucking asshole.

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

Hüseyin Şen GSM Office'de....

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

I've always wondered what I'm saying when I meow back at my cats. http://t.co/FXccczOECQ

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

Just got a Hyundai Accent and now I sound like a Korean guy. http://t.co/XcEPLHuvJy

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

I think the thing that really gets me hard is increased blood flow to my penis. http://t.co/PPMLk31BuT

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

putting 'official' in your username to let all of your 37 followers know it's the real you http://t.co/Uq3GvTVWs6

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

How to write Icelandic: 1) Put a dictionary in a blender 2) Blend 3) Pour onto table. 4) Voila! http://t.co/W8jli1Uesb

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/fkfNhIhlyD I love salad! Just wish it had the taste & texture of pizza.

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/IyqudDvEvd "I enjoy long walks on the bitch." -a flea's online dating profile

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/qwypReclsQ My stepladder is so great, I'm almost glad my ladders got divorced.

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

According to hotel AC, the difference between 72 degrees and 73 degrees is 40 degrees. http://t.co/HnQpA1kgDf

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

So called "Trader" Joe's wouldn't let me pay with furs or rum or even live birds. http://t.co/CD8AwZIiio

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

Never sure of the differences between a crocodile, an alligator, and a staple remover. http://t.co/k1DZHeSbGt

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

http://t.co/TszCZCj3eW This homeless guy asked me for money, I was like "I don't think so, not with that ugly voice"

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

honey you gotta push that baby out faster, there's only like three seconds left on this vine http://t.co/uozGVMKdcc

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

People who say that they're 'just naturally thin' are also just naturally awful. http://t.co/HT7s6KOOh0

[Ufuk Muratoqlu @UfukMuratoglu]

Pot could probably use one more name... how about wizard parsley? http://t.co/2k7YpBHEnx