Jason Paris

Make the best out of what you have.

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

The @NBA should have an outside game like the stadium series they do with hockey. That would be awesome

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

@Honda can you make a station wagon version of the accord? That would be awesome

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Whenever I find a lone sock folding laundry I just throw it back in the dirty pile. Catch up with your homie on the next one

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Before a kid: latest virus sweeping the nation. Heard about it on the news
After a kid: you become patient zero

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

I keep wondering what percentage of @mmschocolate sales goes exclusively towards various Trail Mix creators. It’s definitely on a pie chart somewhere

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

@McDonalds Bring back the Sriracha Mac Sauce

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Why don’t they sell assorted packs of soda? Like a mixed 12 pack of soda would be perfect for this exact situation.

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

@MrPeanut why did you stop selling Cajun Style Peanuts? They are no where to be found. This is blasphemy

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Why is there a shortage of Hot & Spicy Peanuts? They only have regular on the shelf. Where’s the Cajun??

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Everyone has an arch nemesis and mine is mosquitoes

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

It finally happened, I fell into the camper-van black hole of the internet and I want one

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

I know why. You can pretty much do everything from your phone now. It’s a scanner and all

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Why are there no printing kiosks in airports?

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Top 5 best beers. Campsite beer

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

@Benaskren Looking back maybe you should of trained a little harder

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Allison and I are officially home owners

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Since we’re moving we started packing. My downstairs bar had 4 boxes of liquor. Still have a 2nd bar to pack #ineedtobuylessbourbon

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Watched an episode of Criss Angel mind freak last night and it’s essentially Gothic jackass

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

My local Chinese restaurant just texted me Merry Christmas! How nice. Guess who will be ordering crab ragoons later on today

[Jason Paris @UmMr_Paris]

Great win! @WashingtonNFL