Carl Umana - KWZD

Hey listeners, it's Carl. Thanks for tuning in and being cool. Hey, Jerry, where's my mic? Why is the phone typing what I say? Can you hear me? When is lunch?

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

There are rumors that we might be called back in to the KWZD station for work. The problem I have is that it has been so long that I can't remember if I hate everyone or if everyone hates me.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

KWZD is brought to you by:

Leonard's Leftover Laporium!
We made your meal yesterday, chump! It's in the fridge! Eat it cold or microwave it, your choice, them dishes been clean!

Come by today to pick up an old spaghetti, Chinese, a thai-like spicey dish, pizza and much more!

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@BroodMotherSolutions is a proud sponsor of @KwzdPodcast. KWZD is not responsible for any spider bites, hospitalizations, increased or newly developed arachnaphobia.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

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Bedbugs keeping you up at night?
Termites bringing down the house?
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[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

Are you serious?! Now they want me sharing a microphone with Carl Windthrope? That dude brags about not wearing a mask and causing ruckus in stores. Plus, he's always making out with random chicks at bars. You know a heartthrob like that has always got the COVIDs.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

When I find out who ate my lasagna I'm going to take a dump in their desk drawer! Do you know how much work I put into that lasagna?! It's not easy rewriting "Norman" into "Umana". Some people around here clearly don't care about others.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

I'm waiting for these new interns to start at the station. That way, I can start stealing shit again and blame these fools.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

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[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

If you're anything like me, you walk a little bit funny on one side. You'll notice that you wear out your shoes at different speeds and still have to buy pairs of shoes. Well, no longer. Come to Goody One Shoe and buy durable shoes one at a time! Proud sponsor of @KwzdPodcast!

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

Hey, man. Is your fridge full? Got too much stuff stuffed in your cool-zone to stuff your face? Today is your lucky day! The interns lost their fridge privileges, so we tossed their food outside. Now, KWZD has fridge space to rent to out! $125/month. DM @KwzdPodcast for more info

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

I keep hearing people say, "I want a freak in the sheets and a lady industry". I'm all for women's rights, trams and LGBBQs. Equal power! You've got to be careful people. If there is a freak in your sheets, remove them gently and sanitize before sleeping.
I got ringworm once.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@CarlingOut Gave some solid advice, today on @KwzdPodcast

"People think that you should not put yourself in a box, but sometimes, man, boxing yourself in is also you being outside the box."

We hope Bernie enjoys living in his neighbor's shed.

Today's forecast: Sunny 108°F

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

A PSA from KWZD
My plants died of cats and my cats died of cancer. You see, my plants had diabetes and my cats ate my plants so my plants died and my cats got cancer from eating my diabetic plants. Keep you cats inside unless you want them to get cancer from plants with diabetes.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@KwzdPodcast @CarlingOut Wait, so no one is campaigning against Norman Simms? Here we go with another 4 years of boring... At least he is pro #SpaceForce.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

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[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@itsonlymarlon @KaptainZorro I'm not working at the station today. Do not mention me unless you're willing to pay me my going rate of 22½ yams an hour. And don't be trying to pass off those sweet potatoes to me as if I'm some sort of idiot who doesn't know the difference.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@UniverCurious @MichaelGalanin Yeah? And what's the machine filming doing? Adding snow onto the cars! They are marketing a product that they are the root cause for needing. It's a scam. You want snow off your car? Use a flamethrower like everyone else.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

800,000 years ago? Or tomorrow? Who knows, time is an illusion. Dont take nothing but a watch to try and remind me that its 7 twice a day. That's what they say, anyway. That's a lot of rhyme. Did someone need a big hole dug? Call Carl over at @CratorIndustries. We make an impact!

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@9NewsSyd Yes! We always need more sweet potatoes. There's a coworker of mine who never stops talking about the nutritional value within these things. Stay away from ones too bitter, or sour, or earthy, like they have too many seeds, you know? This ain't no poppyseed bun, get off my case.

[Carl Umana - KWZD @UmanaCarl]

@dodo Yeah! Koalas are cute. Probably the cutest of all of Australias creatures! You dont see people saving ugly ass nasty tarantulas. No way.
Koalas are the best! I saw one just the other day drinking tequila and smoking a cigarette. I love koalas!