Uncle Bert

I am your Uncle Bert.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

I take more napkins than is socially acceptable

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Is there a way to be both myself and Nick Lachey?

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Few things are more certain than chipotles mobile order pickup being 8 minutes late

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Love, gold, mortal kombat 11, lying, bullets, hair

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

One of society’s greatest travesties is praising a boy band that thinks my great great great granddaughter will be alive and well in the year 3000.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Hey Edmund? Fuck Turkish Delight.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Every time a senior citizen completes a sudoku puzzle, and angel gets its canoeing merit badge

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

“The next time you’re in the car and you make eye contact with the car next to you, mouth ‘I love you.’” -Michael B. Jordan

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

If art is anything, what is science? If tyranny is purple, why choose fashion? If rain causes arthritis, why cry?

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Best things to say when someone is being rude:

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Important!! Been getting a lot of questions about the best owls lately. Hope this clears things up!

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Feeling nostalgic about 2007’s hit song “this is why I’m hot” by Mims

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

Favorite band? Dixie chicks.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

It’s 2022: beavers control the weather. Only Little Caesars remains of the major pizza chains. No more bagels.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

At this point I’m skeptical if there even are 101 Dalmatians.

[Uncle Bert @UncleBert13]

There are more ants than people.