This Dude

Dudes are like molecular Jesus: they're everywhere we go and always watching us. I'm here to watch back, mofos. I'm here to watch back...

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

I scored 8180 points playing #QRANK. Bet you can't top that! http://t.co/2Mix3tt

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

Domino's new marketing line is that their pizza is made by human hands. You know what else is made by human hands? Every other pizza ever.

[nick kroll @nickkroll]

steven tyler looks like an old drag queen impersonator of liv tyler.

[@RobKutner @ApocalypseHow]

John Mellencamp and his 41-year-old wife getting a divorce. The case: Mellencamp v. Cougar.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

@ihearttheastros This is the 21st Century, it's called DQ. & that's what u like about TX. In 20 yrs it will be the national anthem. Of TX.

[Doug Benson @DougBenson]

Hey Bono, the 65 mil spent on your horrible, pointless musical could have fed a lot of starving children. Good work. #TurnOffTheShow

[Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5]

Titty Farts (please RT)

[Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5]

Nintendo Wii should have a handjob competition game called, "Circle Jerk"

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

I scored 7701 points playing #QRANK. Can you beat that? http://bit.ly/b8lZZu

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

@DougBenson The sausage McGriddle has exactly 420 calories. Do with that information what you will...

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

Best advice: Don't unfriend ppl on FB, just tell them u LOVE to masturbate to their photos...

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

If I were the leader of a despotic regime I'd want to be called Ivan, The Fingerblaster.

[John Merriman @jmerriman]

Meanwhile, OJ Simpson is still alive.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

Ethan Hawke should've been in Unstoppable instead of that other white dude. Then they could have called it Train Day.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

Anderson Cooper will "Bill O'Reilly" all over Keith Olberman's back this weekend #GrosstradamusReturns #Drunk

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

New passion: popping a Viagra, buying one-way ticket to Pakistan and refusing the full-body scanner.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

70% of high school kids have sex. If that were the case 10 years ago, I could've qualified for a minority scholarship to college.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

I feel #16andpregnant after I eat a wheel of cheese. Probably just pregnant. Okay, probably just full of cheese.

[This Dude @UniversalDude]

Was trying to figure out why Mike Wallace was trending. Thought maybe he died. Then wasn't sure if he was already dead...just reanimated...