UnkiJakey

Double cheeked up on a Thursday, praying for that sweet release every other day

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

I've seen the face of death, and it's Taylor Swift as a cat giving me fuck-me eyes #CatsMovie

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

@desusnice "Catch me code switchin with the paint drippin" - Desus "Michael Jones" Nice

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

As a devout Christian youth myself, I am required to spend my hard earned blood sheckles on this sloppy merch. Mmmmmmmm sinfully sloppy good

[Complex @Complex]

Kanye West releases #JesusIsKing capsule collection with AWGE.

You copping? https://t.co/DhZEDyLXVA

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

I'm riding the line between tweeting authentic stream of consciousness about being sad and lost in a world that is metaphorically and literally burning from the inside out, and tweeting @IHOP everyday for the next fiscal year begging for a shortstack up my crack #thursdayvibes

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Because of you fuckers, I took a job I hate all the way across the country from my family and can only afford to see them once a year.

But congrats on hitting your sales numbers guys! I hope you get sand in every orifice and back-to-back swimmers ear #salliemae

[NBC News @NBCNews]

Sallie Mae flies more than 100 employees to Hawaii to celebrate $5 billion in sales while student debt crisis tops $1.6 trillion. https://t.co/bO72XIZIBz

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

I'm just trying to sleep, but I caaaaaaaant stoooooooop cummmmmmming #realestate

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Yo, my doggs are in the other room talking and I'm just here trying to nut in my bed, but my homies bassy voice got me feeling real groovy, y'know? #GayFootJob #lovelife #realestate

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Hey guys, it's ya boy again. My homie just keeps saying my name over and over again and I swear I'm blasting rope to the ceiling #HentaiAmericaOfficial #fallinginlovewithSaint #realestate

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

For anyone who sees me tonight, it's not cum on my jeans, it's dried glue. The cum is in my hair

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

@NFL how many concussions does it take to get to the center of where are my keys?

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

To the man who downed a clam chowder in the Logan Airport before rushing off to catch his flight:

Godspeed, you chaotic bastard. May the Lord have mercy on all your fellow passengers

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

What's more likely to crumble in this TJ Maxx? Call in now to 666-END-ME1

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Praying for these "fall sweet fall" boards to avalanche and fuckin crush my skull #FallFriday #livelaughlove

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Just saw a man light the filter on his cig and start smoking it reverse.

I've either just witnessed genius at work or I died in my sleep and woke up in hell.

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

@jpbrammer Entire state of Texas needs the cops called on them for this

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

#SayNoToSexUntil the Nerf football just can't take anymore

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

#SayNoToSexUntil she agrees that the clown nose stays ON

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

"Eat my ass from the back, make it shine like a 'Lac" -
@theestallion Feat. Gandhi, last night in my dream

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

Since @Marvel and @Disney were able to bring Spider-Man back, do you think you guys could bring my dad back too? #SpiderMan #spidey

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

There's this little old man on the train, max 5'2", and I'm filled with the uncontrollable urge to dunk on his little goblin ass so hard he can't find his way back to Gringotts #HarryPotter

[UnkiJakey @UnkiJakey]

If you're a real communist you should do anal.

It's the people's sex: everyone's got an asshole that can get blown out comrade #Communism #ThursdayThoughts