Victoria TelferSmith she/her

I am a counsellor who specialises in shame, trauma, abuse, panic, anxiety, depression. Am a single parent & survivor of sexual/domestic violence. Peace out.

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

I asked @leicspolice via a SAR for details of a crime that happened to me in 1987.

They had no record of this crime. Nothing.

Why?

This was a crime of sexual violence, is that why it was not considered important to record?

#sexualviolence #crime #police

[Emma-Jane Taylor (E-J) 🇬🇧 @ejtayloruk]

One of the most frustrating things I’ve discovered since becoming a campaigner is how little understanding there still is around child development, brain development, and the importance of children growing up in safe, sensible, supportive environments.

There is so much criticism aimed at children and their behaviour. But far too often, that criticism is pointed in the wrong direction.

When children are struggling, acting out, or behaving in ways adults find difficult, we need to be asking: what is happening around them? What are they being exposed to? What support are they missing? What responsibilities have the adults, politicians, authorities, and systems failed to meet?

Because from where I’m sitting, children are being failed, and then blamed for the consequences.

Of course, I believe poor behaviour from a child must be dealt with, managed, and come with consequences. But it should also be about understanding and addressing the root cause of that child’s behaviour, so we can actually help children do better in the future and avoid repeated patterns of poor behaviour.

Given the world we live in today, with children overexposed to so much, adults have to accept some responsibility.

I hear adults complain all the time about children “misbehaving.” What I don’t hear nearly enough is adults saying: “What can we do better to help children feel safe, supported, and able to behave better?”

I take my responsibilities as an adult seriously. Knowing what I know, I cannot stay quiet about this.

Children need guidance, protection, patience, boundaries, and understanding - not constant criticism from the very adults who should be helping them.

Do better, people.

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

I put a request into the police for records of a crime that happened to me in 1987.
They came back with nothing. There are no records of the crime. I thought recording crime was very important for future safety of victims.
Obviously not!
#police #crime #1987

[Dame Nicole Jacobs @CommissionerDA]

I spoke to @LBCNews today about the importance of holding perps to account for domestic abuse related suicides following the conviction of Lee Milne in Scotland.

There's been lots of progress made, but too many families are left waiting for justice.

[Shadows of Control @shadows_control]

Abusers don’t co-parent, they counter-parent. Even worse, they target the very thing that is most precious to you, your bond with your child.

These are some of the ways they do it:

They speak negatively about you to shape how your child sees you.

They promise a “better” life or new family to pull your child closer to them.

They involve your child in custody issues and make them feel responsible for conflict.

They create coalitions by positioning your child on their side.

They buy affection through gifts, trips, and rewards to compete with your bond.

They use emotional blackmail by threatening to say harmful things about you.

They make threats to force agreement on parenting decisions that suit them.

They encourage secrecy and ask your child to keep things from you.

They show disapproval when your child expresses positive feelings about you.

They distort memories and rewrite events to influence how your child understands you.

They undermine you by ignoring your boundaries or rewarding your child for going against you.

Out of everything an abuser does, this is the cruelest, and it cuts the deepest.

There is a particular kind of pain in watching someone interfere with your bond with your child, using them as a tool for control and revenge, and deeply harming them and you in the process.

It is violating, it is relentless, and it goes against every instinct you have as a parent to protect, nurture, and stay connected.

It forces you to stand in the middle of something you never should have had to fight for, your place in your child’s life.

I have found healing around what was done to me, and I have rebuilt parts of myself I once lost, but I will always carry a deep and lasting outrage for what he chose to do, and continues to do, to my child.

#CoerciveControl #PostSeparationAbuse

[Emma-Jane Taylor (E-J) 🇬🇧 @ejtayloruk]

The Naked Bike Ride is due to arrive in the UK very soon. I’ve spent the past year challenging this event because my safeguarding concerns have not been taken seriously by the organisers, the City Police, MET Police or by the Mayor of London, despite these issues being raised repeatedly. If this prompts more people to look into the concerns I’ve highlighted and support my petition, it only strengthens the call for accountability.

Thank you to everyone who has stood with me. I see you ->>> https://t.co/zpOp8kR1Dw

@MayorofLondon @CityPolice @metpoliceuk

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@JonjayNeedham1 Beautiful garden Jon! 🌷

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

My #therapist agreed with me when I spoke about the sexual violence I experienced, especially when I said it was my fault because I had been walking home at 1am from a party.
My #boyfriend had been too drunk to walk with me.
#shame #rape #therapy

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@Shrink_at_Large Ridiculous newspaper!

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

When potential clients use therapist Facebook groups instead of booking in with a therapist!

Gaaaah!

Stop it!

#therapy #facebookgroups #clients #dilemmas #thetapistslife #therapywork

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@JonjayNeedham1 Yes, I am good thanks Jon! 😊

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@JonjayNeedham1 You are enormously special Jon, you inspire survivors the world over. Including me!
You are awesome. 😍

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

Awesome book!

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

Making shoppers pay for returns while online shopping isn't right. The company isn't paying rent for a shop with fixtures and fittings, so don't pass it on to the customer.

😑

#shopping #onlineretailers #customersatisfaction #returningclothes #customerisright

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@shadows_control How he treats our children. He doesn't care about their emotional and physical health.
He doesn't parent them and doesn't have good boundaries for them. They can game all night and day with no safeguarding.
They are left alone in the house without access to food.

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

I feel desperate. My children continue to be neglected by their father on fortnightly visits. He lacks the ability to parent. When they return, they are disregulated and exhausted.
They don't sleep or eat properly. SS has tried to intervene with no positive results.

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

@JonjayNeedham1 You are an awesome man! Your bravery shines through and gives me hope with my struggle. 🫶

[Victoria TelferSmith she/her @VTelfersmith]

My kids' school doesn't answer the phone anymore! They just leave it to ring out......!

#blocking #notcommunicating #badschool

[Dr. Jessica Taylor @DrJessTaylor]

Dafuq did I just read?
‘Chemical castration’ of sex offenders being rolled out across 20 prisons??
The ‘chemicals’ are SSRIs and Androgen blockers?

This will not work, has never worked, and misses several vital points:

1. Plenty of abusers and offenders already take SSRIs and they didn’t affect their offending whatsoever
2. Sex offences are NOT a crime of desire, libido or passion, they are a crime of violence and power - so chemical castration will likely fail anyway as it doesn’t address power or violence