Vance

Slow your roll jabroni

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Went to the gym, took a pretty girl out for lunch, today's a good day y'all🙌

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Tortillas>bread

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Goes to bed cause I'm tired, wakes up because I'm hungry. What a dilemma🤦‍♂️

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Put the drugs and the booze down, now I'm back on twitter. Life is crazy

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

You know who's cool? People who go to community college and wear their sunglasses inside👏

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Just did hot yoga for the first time, I don't think I've sweated that hard in my fucking life😵

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Gentlemen, never be afraid to tell a girl she's beautiful. It makes both parties happy, trust me👌

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Sweet redemption✊🏈

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

*Generic Cold Weather Complaint*

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Going to out to a bar in Fairmont, Minnesota last night was easily one of my top five worst decisions I've made in my life😑

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Bo Jackson breaking baseball bats over his knee is straight savage💪👀

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

These AT&T commercials with Heisman legends are pure gold🙌

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

I can't wait to go back to class and accidentally hit on chicks still in high school!😳😫

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

Shit I ain't trying to hear about today: The Vikings, the weather🖕

[theCHIVE @theCHIVE]

If Mondays were an animal.

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

No words can explain the pain and suffering I've been going through. Why God? Why did it have to end like that?

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

I'm pre-gaming now. Let's go Vikes.

[Vance @V_Ortegon]

I couldn't open my fucking car door this morning, I got so desperate I poured vodka all over it😭😭