โ ๏ธTRIGGER WARNING:
Hey guys. Iโve kept most of my personal life private for a long time, but I want to give a little insight into why Iโve been away and why streams have been so inconsistent.
I was married for almost four years. Iโm currently separated and in the process of divorce, and I recently had to move out with Ringo. Between working, moving, rebuilding my life, and trying to stay afloat emotionally, streaming has had to take a backseat.
For the last two years, Iโve been quietly carrying pain from something that happened in my marriage. One month before our wedding, my husband sexually assaulted me. I was never the same after that.
What broke me even more was what happened afterward. There was no real repair. No real accountability. No healing together. I begged for couples therapy. I begged for him to get help. I begged for us to address what happened instead of burying it.
But it was swept under the rug, and I was left alone with it.
For those who didnโt know, I was in an open relationship during the time I was streaming. In that season, I was lucky enough to meet someone who treated me with a kind of care, softness, and consideration I had been missing for a long time.
That experience opened my eyes to what love and connection could feel like. It helped me realize that I didnโt have to keep accepting a relationship where I felt unseen, unsafe, and emotionally alone.
So a few months ago, when I stepped away on hiatus, I did the scariest thing Iโve ever done: I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
Iโm now in one of the most uncertain and difficult chapters of my life. Iโm scared. Iโm rebuilding from scratch. I donโt know exactly what comes next.
But I do know this, I would rather face the unknown than stay in a home with someone who was supposed to protect me, but instead made me feel like I was nothing more than another piece of furniture in his life.
Iโm sharing this not for pity, but because I donโt want to keep carrying it silently anymore. Iโm trying to choose myself, my safety, my healing, and a future where I donโt have to shrink to survive.
Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me, checked in on me, supported the streams when I could show up, and given me grace while I figure out how to be okay again.
-Val ๐บ
There is nothing worse than taking a shower getting all clean. You dry off. And then your body is like WE HAVE TO SHIT RIGHT. NOW.
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@XehexTheHound At least I can get out shit get back in and wash my ass. Like I was all done clean and the first thing I did was get messy ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ low-key thought about jumping back in
In all my relationships and even in my ex marriage. No one has ever said anything like this to me. Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever will and actually mean it
Shhhโฆ hey, itโs okay.
I know that was a lot, but Iโm right here, sweetheart. And no matter what, Iโll always be here for you.
You did so well. Iโm so proud of you. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I care about you more than you know.
And I want you. I want all of you. I want you to never question how deeply youโre wanted, because you are.
Youโre mine, forever and always.
I just experienced my first PTSD induced anxiety attack while at work, and that was awful.
Does anyone have any tips for when you're out and about and living life and your PTSD just hits you like a truck?