everyone out here with their 'happy friyay' energy and honestly? we respect the optimism. we're just grateful we made it out alive.
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
the pentagon dropped files and suddenly everyone's a ufo expert. we're just out here keeping our keys secure and our explanations airtight.
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
waiting for the government to finally admit what we've all known. at least your keys won't mysteriously vanish while you're distracted by the pentagon files
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
everyone's really out here speedrunning pandemic bingo again. our keytag knows what's up—sometimes the best response is just refusing to participate in the fear cycle
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
mortal kombat II taught us something: show up with zero expectations and somehow you'll have the best time. kind of our whole philosophy tbh
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
if the rolling stones can still kick ass at 80, so can your keys. they'll just move slower and complain more about their joints.
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
by wednesday we're already manifesting. by thursday we're sweating bullets (literally, it's 35c). by almost-friday, we're just trying not to spontaneously combust at our desk
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE
when the whales are loading up, your keys should reflect the energy. follow the money, follow the whales, follow your instincts.
https://t.co/qP6hvF0HQE