Ryan Green

Tulsa, Oklahoma based comedian and storyteller and former vodka drinker.

[Aabria Iyengar #CeasefireNOW @quiddie]

Me, at the end of a campaign asking the DM about all the plot hooks we missed:

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

You know who is probably really psyched about the Queen dying? Olivia Wilde.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Ivermectin sounds like the name of an ancient dragon you gotta battle at the top of a mountain and every time I see the word I get super disappointed that it’s actually just right wing reiki.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Reading all these optimistic, “we’ll get through this together” social media memories hits different knowing the collapse into feral madness is juuuuuust around the corner.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

If you think the pandemic has been going on too long you’re gonna be real upset when Pandemic: The Snyder Cut gets released this summer.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Ya boi has received the first dose of vaccine, get ready universe cause IM COMIN BACK SOON!

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

When I was a kid we just called the Mandela Effect “being wrong.”

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

I wish I loved anything like people over 65 love The Far Side comics.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

My buddy Claire got an absolutely bonkers message from a dude on a dating app, and I did a dramatic reading of it because goddamnit it’s what it deserves, and it might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Original message in the comments! https://t.co/lCoeMlHAdY

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

I haven’t seen this many people pretending to have read 1984 since high school.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Pedro Pascal’s facial expressions in WW84 are the reason Mandalorians aren’t allowed to remove their helmets.

This is not the way.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

BROKE: Making a social media page for your pet.

WOKE: Making a social media page for a stranger’s pet.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

@FritschieComic Oh Dan, no

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Parler is proof that right wingers actually do know how to quarantine themselves, they just didn’t think the pandemic was a big enough deal.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

I finished Kipo And The Age Of Wonderbeasts and I’ll have you know I only cried one hundred times.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Tonight’s debate is actually sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends.

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

@arthurrules It’s perfect

[Ryan Green @VerdeComedy]

Sometimes when I’m having a low energy morning I think about somebody I really hate and I jump start my day with spite.