Grandma just told me she wanted to be buried with the pen she stole from her job before she retired because “it’s been a good pen and it’s never run out of ink in all this time.”
The grandma of pinned tweet fame is doing... very poorly. It's a garbage situation. The only real positive is that everyone has made it back to say goodbye.
Tonight my brother and I got a pepperoni and jalapeño pizza and when I went to pick it up the kid asked me if I was here for the "Roni with the peño" and I will never be the same
That awkward feeling when your boss will do literally anything to avoid congratulating you on your act scores. Anything.
Including but not limited to changing the topic (to your face) when your bestie compliment-fishes for you.
husband just asked what I’ll do with my spare time when we finally finish all the renovations to our house and I said I’m gonna build a scale model of redwall abbey in the garden for the field mice and I think he thought I was joking
One of my favourite nerdy Titanic facts is that the process of filming the 1997 film actually helped solve a big mystery about the sinking: what happened to the grand staircase.