Simon

T1D, exiled Bristolian, Gashead, Civil Engineer, general numpty

[Joanna Hardy-Susskind @Joanna__Hardy]

Hello, there 👋

Have you heard David Lammy MP and Sarah Sackman MP talking about people stealing bottles of whisky and swiping mobile telephones as examples of people who should not get jury trials?

Well. I’d like to tell you a story.

🪡 🧵

[Damian Counsell @DamCou]

A hit has been taken out on you. There's nothing you can do to stop an attempt on your life, but you *are* allowed to choose who's going to organise it. Who are you picking?

[Bristol Rovers @Official_BRFC]

#AD

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@EFL

[Simon @VikingBlue83]

@KerysPyne Good luck, I hope they can give some answers

[Ben Kearnobi @BenKearns6]

To hopefully better your Monday; What if Matt Berry was a Rebel Pilot?

[Joe Lycett @joelycett]

https://t.co/FqoC3hSFM8 🌈

[Joe Lycett @joelycett]

Well now I look like a right twat

[Larry & Paul @larryandpaul]

🇬🇧 UK Prime Minister recruitment ad.

[Ian Dunt @IanDunt]

Can't stress this enough: I couldn't give a good fuck what Tory members think about who should be prime minister. A period of silence and introspection from them would very welcome indeed. Instead we're apparently going to let them do it all over again.

[forest fr1ends @forest_fr1ends]

hi neighbour- please don’t confuse the national sense of relief and optimism resulting from the loosening of lockdown rules, coupled with the fact that the sun is shining, as a green light to talk to me. i still think you’re a f**king idiot...

[km @mkaur2]

We still have not come to fully appreciate the brilliance of Sacha Baron Cohen. #Borat

[Frankie Boyle Updates @frankieboyle]

"The last good thing has already happened"

That's the tagline for this year's John Lewis Christmas ad, directed by the cunt that did Requiem For A Dream. Thom Yorke sings an acoustic version of Gimme Shelter, through a mouthful of blood. You struggle to hear it over the sirens

[Bristol Rovers Brasil @the_piratesBR]

90'| 7 fucking minutos de acréscimo? Que isso?

[Chris Hargreaves @CHargreaves1]

No fans. Government, Premier League and FA have to get together quickly and sort a plan.Prem clubs cannot pay 300-600k a week wages or spend 50m,and then watch on as other clubs fold. Not acceptable.This is about the game staying intact for everyone’s benefit

[cardinal copium @emotionalpedant]

Since we're posting weird ass bats, this is Buettikofer's epauletted fruit bat, a megabat that frankly has no business flying around with a dog's face

[John Cleese @JohnCleese]

Hard to tell if I recorded this 30 years or 10 minutes ago...