Vilnius

I don't want realism. I want magic

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

visited my gandma on the weekend. she's gone, only her body is stil there. how can 94 years disappear as if they had never happened?

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

did it. went to V. on saturday, back sunday. blew my mind. hard to believe that only three days ago, life had been different. totally diff.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

go to bed now. no sense in waiting and staring holes into the screen. what's going to happen? want so much to see her. last chance 2morrow.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

0100. I lost. mailed her "mr rock'n'roll". never thought a turkey could be that cold. I can't stand it.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

0030. nothing. feeling sick.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

stop staring onto the screen. she is not going to write today. good. get some work done, then check for a last time.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

11 pm. stomach's rollercoasting. no news. SAY SOMETHING! man, this is getting at me. BUT I will be STRONG. GOTTA BE.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

but isn't that exactly what I wanted?

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

going home now. unnerved.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

still nothing. getting nervous. I won't do nothing. got to be strong. see what happens. trip to V. still not out of options.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

greetings from the void. no mail, no sms. is it that what I wanted? sick to the stomach. I must not reach out for her first. definitely not.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...for the sake of both of us. I mailed you back, offering you paths to escape this emotional trap we're caught in. please, take one of 'em.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

reading this mail tore me apart. it is tough to keep your balance with such a sweet burden of love on your back. but I have to...

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...you wrote. "a thousand times would i say yes". don't, I want to cry out to you. don't love me. don't inflict that pain on yourself.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...and forget about me. Forget about me just like I will never forget about you.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

it's 0100 now, got to sleep. long day tomorrow, got to get up early. phone next to my bed, in case you text me back. don't. sleep. and...

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...both of us, for our lives. this time, take the red pill, I urge you. help me to get you out of this mess, it is my fault, mine alone.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

and right she is. hopeless, from both sides. but can hope kill love, or stop it from spreading all over your body? I think not.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...desire, unchained when thousands of kilometers away from each other. safe, but lost just the same. hopeless, she texted me just secs ago.

[Vilnius @Vilnius]

...kept in check while close enough to not only be in danger if the feelings let loose, but lost the very instant...