When people ask ME for parenting tips, I don’t know what to say.
My kids brush their teeth bc I said they get “sugar bugs” in their teeth during the day, and if they fell asleep with them in there, they’d burrow holes into their teeth to live inside. “Get those sugar buggggssss!”🤺
I told them I can tell when they’re lying bc they blink too much. So now they😳when they’re trying to pull one over on me.
I told them there are actually hundreds of tooth fairies, and that ours ✨transforms✨
Boss: Hey do you think you could take the rest of the week and dig around in this spreadsheet to figure out the math on how it calculates the final number for us.
Me: *Clicks box. Sees the whole formula*
Me: if you want it done by Friday I’ll need a coffee budget and for someone else to take on [project I don’t want]
Boss: *sends cc info* order whatever you need.
😈 E x c e l l e n t
I went to the store yesterday and asked my son did he want anything. (He’s 5)
He says he wants cereal.
I ask him what kind, he said he didn’t know the name of it. I said what’s on the front of the box? He said a homeless man🤦🏽♀️😂
This is the cereal with the homeless man …🥴😂
Today at work, two different coworkers randomly stopped by my desk and happened to glance at one of my three monitors.
Coworker #1: "You get paid to watch movies?"
Me: "I suppose you could look at it that way."
Them: "What are you watching?"
Me: "Actually, I'm listening to spooky stories from Mr.
Ballen."
Them: "You do that often?"
Me: "Every day. I always have something different on, though."…