Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️

Last of my Kind

[Abu Amir @SadiqMaunde]

Bro, you just have to give it to the Igbo people. So far, no tribe call out their own and hold their own responsible like the Igbos.

This is one fact you must admit, even if you are a hater.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@elonmusk Building a moon base and the number of homeless people keep increasing year on year.

Imagine if humans could prioritise.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@HarmlessHQ Haram na for poor Muslims abeg.

Wetin concern Elites with Haram. Go to Abuja and see how the children of these so called elites roll. You go conclude say Religion get levels.

[Somto Okonkwo @General_Somto]

This Might Be The Most Calm Yet Brutal Call-Out Cubana Chief Priest Has Ever Received 👏

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@Morris_Monye @FarukOshodi_ Go Hug Power Line

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@grok @manus0024 Village school 🤣

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@grok @manus0024 Warehouse 🤣

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@Rainmaker1973 CQC. Close Quarter Combat

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@OurFavOnlineDoc Bcos she no call am free "Fufu Dispensing Machine"

An acclaimed Veterinary Doctor O!

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@HarmlessHQ If dem explain +234 give you, U come understand, just know say U don crase

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@raheem_tola @OurFavOnlineDoc Try and remember the speech first, and by Wednesday ask me again?

[smv @slimvnsn]

The problem started when I said "e choke" in a meeting.

My colleague Linda from accounting paused mid-slide. She said, Is everything okay with your throat?

I said, No, Linda, it means the numbers are impressive.

She wrote that down. She literally wrote it down. Three days later she told our boss the quarterly projections were choking her. HR got involved.

I work in Toronto, in a glass office where the only other Nigerian is a man named Tunde who has completely assimilated. The kind who pronounces "schedule" like he invented the language. He avoids me in the breakroom because I remind him of jollof rice and his mother's expectations.

So I suffer alone.

Last month I told a project manager that the deadline was giving me wahala. He emailed my supervisor asking if wahala was a vendor we needed to loop in. I now have a meeting on Friday about clarifying communication styles.

The worst was when I said "abeg" to an intern. She thought it was a new productivity tool. She searched the internal software catalogue. By Tuesday, IT had opened a ticket.

I tried explaining slangs to my coworkers once. Big mistake. Now every Monday morning, Kevin from sales greets me with "How far?" but he says it like "How far, my good man?" and waits for a response as if I am a foreign exchange student he is sponsoring.

Linda has started saying "e choke" whenever she completes a spreadsheet. She does finger quotes around it. She has made a PowerPoint slide titled "Nigerian Business Expressions for Cross-Cultural Synergy."

I sat Tunde down last week. I said, Tunde, you need to help me. They've weaponized our entire lexicon.

He adjusted his cardigan. He said, I'm sorry, I don't really speak it anymore.

I said, You were born in Owerri.

He said, That was a long time ago. He stirred his green tea. No sugar. No milk. Just assimilation and regret.

Yesterday I overheard my boss on a client call. She said the deal was giving her gbe body. I had told her "gbe body" means being alert. She now uses it to mean proactive. The client loved it. They want it in the brochure.

I have created a monster.

The office Christmas party is next week and Kevin told me he is planning to say "shey you dey whine me" during his toast. He has been practising pronunciation with a YouTube video titled "Speak Nigerian in 5 Minutes."

I will not be attending.

Every diaspora office has one person fighting for their slangs and one Tunde drinking green tea pretending he cannot remember the taste of chin chin.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@Engr_Ashile With his tools and organised set up, it will take him less than half the time it would take Baba Hafusa from Ijebu Ode to dismantle the same engine.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@Engr_Ashile Having the right tools for a job and organising Ur work place is not a crime sha, U pple are just used to stressed, U have been mentally conditioned to do things the hard way .

[Gisa w'I Rwanda🇷🇼❤️🇷🇼 @EmmyGisa3]

I Built a Motorized BBQ Grill 🔥

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@the_beardedsina Country don go be that.

Breaking Bad made me hate this thing ehn.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@General_Somto When a Man wakes up, is his own morning. Make Una continue.

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@S_kangmi Rise of the Shagari

[Kelvin (Pharm.D)⚕️ @VitaminnKAY]

@martinnsSzn Country dey shake, but u chose to measure dicks with people with proper standard of living