Michael Not Mike

Freelance writer, carnist, stand-up comedian and former neighborhood champion at Activision's Kaboom! for the Atari 2600.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

Breaking News: New Pope Leo XIV, the first American Pope, has been deported. #Pope

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@JasonWalkerNBA I know absolutely nothing about this topic. Just wanted to say hey. Glad you're still out here covering the NBA!

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@SooEffinAWEsome Sir, you don't know what it was like growing up with your NFL team losing 10+games a season for 12 STRAIGHT YEARS. We took what we could get.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@Coach_JayGruden @BMITCHLIVE30 Living in Tampa, I still remember four Arenabowl titles with Jay Gruden behind center. Permanent respect in my book.
No disrespect to the great Brian Mitchell, but as TO once said, "That's my quarterback."

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

The Celtics lost so badly they're firing Doc Rivers. #NBAPlayoffs #celticsvsheat

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

If you use TikTok , I don't want to hear your opinion about a spy balloon. #TikTok #ChineseSpyBalloon #irony

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@KariLake Stop attacking her. She needs your money. Haven't you ever donated to charity before? Only libs would attack an Internet panhandler like this.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

"It's irredeemable, and I think that was his intention. He wasn't trying to make a fine piece of art and failed. He was trying to create a vile sequel and succeeded." -- Me, defending Human Centipede 2 and @tom_six tonight to horror fans.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

I think they called him The Six Million Dollar Man, and her The Bionic Woman, because they didn't want to show her being worth 30 percent less. #payequity

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

The second Amazon Prime Day is like getting back with an ex. You know it won't be as good as last time, but you're gonna take a look just in case. #AmazonPrimeDay

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

Street corn is just corn that's going through some things. #corn #KindnessMatters

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

Thoughts and prayers to the families of the (insert number) students at (insert school) in (insert state). This shouldn't happen in (insert year). May (insert deity) watch over them.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

Gas-saving tip: Taking the Confederate flags off your truck reduces drag and improves your gas mileage. #gasprices

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

https://t.co/qgdPKvjILE #TomBrady #NFL #Bucs

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@TheoVon Round Robin tourney between Crosby/Stills/Nash/Young. Winner takes on the winner of Biden/Pelosi/McConnell/Rand Paul. Grand champion chooses the next Supreme Court Justice to replace Breyer.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

@sigmasapiens @TheoVon Neil Young is much more likely to fight a David, a Stephen or a Graham...

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

#ESPN has identified the man who started the #TomBrady retirement rumors.

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

Prequel idea: Casper the Friendly Boy Who Knew Too Much. #movies #casper

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

#Goodfellas is a Christmas movie. The Lufthansa Heist occurred in December and was a big part of the plot. #ChristmasMovies

[Michael Not Mike @VivaMurillo]

I thought the Constitution forbids cruel and unusual punishment. Every parent knows this qualifies.

https://t.co/XbjM9Sr5R9