Vlad Puten

he/they

[sai ❤︎⁠ @misanderist]

the genz sex/date conversation is specifically irritating due to the fact that wokeness aside, there is nowhere to fuck. we still live with family. 20$ is the new 1$, its too expensive to eat anywhere fancier than fucking mcdonalds. this is like the least romantic economy ever

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@lavdreamin @llovedroughtt Then it finds nothing when I know for a fact a tweet with those typos exist.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

I wanna be them

[K🌸 @lSoldKenCrack]

happy #kirkiversary to these divas

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@charli_xcx Girl, have you ever met Central Europe? Europe isn’t just France, the UK, and Ireland. Do less coke and learn more geography. I’m so sick of pop girls never coming here!

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@horowitz_maya @zjfrank13 But it wasn’t like that when the show aired and up until a few years ago.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@BARBHIVENATOR_ It’s this y’all

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@tinymansaw24583 @riqofme Harassment doesn’t depend on attractiveness 🤦 It’s a reinforcement of the power imbalance inherent to a patriarchal society.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

She’s on Newsmax now ��😭😭

[Lizzy Savetsky @LizzySavetsky]

25 years after 9/11, New Yorkers have elected a mayor who supports the terrorists instead of the victims. Tragic and infuriating.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@retsyud @cynthia10734 @gidletown @MissZindzi @mattxiv Thanks lol. I never got around to watching the video of him talking before getting shot. I’ve seen him get shot a million times, though. Frankly, I always cared less about what he said than that he was talking at all, so yeah.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@MissZindzi @mattxiv Reveal the mystery, please. I don’t get the reference.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

The giver that keeps on giving!

[松子酒（接交友投稿） @Songzjiu]

性爱小技巧：骑乘位教学
开始男生先躺平、女生跨坐准备开始。用手扶着茎身，用阴唇和阴蒂从根部蹭到龟头，来回抹开润滑，等穴口完全张开�����下坐。整根进到底以后停三秒，让双方都确认角度。
骑乘位的主动权在女生腰和膝盖上。教程按「先找点 → 再给节奏 → 再上杀招」
第一阶段：找点（前1分钟）
坐下后先微微前倾，双手撑在男生胸口或床上。骨盆慢慢前后挪，找到龟头正好顶在前壁G点那一块的位置。找到以后，用阴道轻轻夹一下“咬住”，再开始动。
前倾坐：胸靠近男生，阴蒂更容易蹭到他，G点刮擦强
坐直：进得更深，视觉冲击强，但阴蒂摩擦变少，后面要男生靠手补
先用前倾坐热身。
第二阶段：基础节奏——深坐��抬

1 坐下到最深，停半秒
2只抬到一半，用入口绞住冠状沟磨两下
3再坐到底，耻骨压住他耻骨
连续做 10–12 下。男生若开始抓你大腿等部位，说明深度对了。这一段的目的是把里面撑开、让润滑够，不是为了马上射。
第三阶段：本片杀招——超慢∞字（横8字）
女生坐下到底，几乎不上下弹，只用屁股画超慢的横8字：
一圈往前/往一侧：龟头撞G点
一圈回来：用内壁磨冠状沟和系带
再一圈把幅度略加大：会阴和阴唇把囊袋也卷进去轻轻蹭过
一圈 3–4 秒，速度越慢男生越受不了。
大约 8–10 圈，男生通常会双手抱住你屁股往上顶，求你快点。不要听。把他的手按回胸口或让他只能扶着你腰，继续原速。快了这招就废，变成普通女上。
可轮换的变体（每组∞字之间插一组，避免单一）：
小幅上下：只离开 2–3 厘米再坐到底，专打浅层
前倾研磨：胸贴上去，双方身体接触更多
坐直深磨：上身直立，骨盆在最深处画更小的圈
第四阶段：手怎么配
骑乘位女生腾得出上半身，手别闲着。
一只手撑住他胸口保持平衡
另一只手可往后托他囊袋，跟着8字轻轻托，不要又捏又扯
想女生自己先高潮：把他的手带到你们小腹相贴的位置，让他用拇指按阴蒂；或你自己伸手下去，8字继续画，阴蒂单独给点/小圈
阴蒂一加上，∞字会从“磨他”变成“两个人一起往上��”。这一段女生多半腰发软、动作开始变形——变形了也不要停，把8字收得更小即可。
第五阶段：卡射点——坐直吸牛奶
感觉他囊袋收紧、腹部发硬、呼吸忽然变快、手开始把你往下按的时候，立刻执行收招：
整个人坐直，吃到底，一动不动。
只用阴道做“吸牛奶”：用力收缩 → 完全放松 → 再收缩 → 再放松，连续 10 次。
中间不要偷偷摆腰。10 次的杀伤力就来自“外面静止、里面在吹”。男生会爽到眼神失焦，很多会直接说出类似“慢点 / 要射了 / 受不了”的话。
两种结束方法，按你想不想让他射：
让他射：吸到第 6–7 次若已经在跳，就保持坐直继续吸完 大概10 次，或改成极小幅坐磨把他送出去
再拖一轮：吸完 10 次后不要立刻恢复狂颠，先前倾贴上去停 15–20 秒，等那波过去，再从半速∞字重新起
女生自己快高潮时反过来：把8字改成只在最深处前后 2 厘米的小磨，同时自己收缩。骑乘位高潮时膝盖容易滑，提前用手撑好，或让男生托住你腰。
实操注意
膝盖和大腿先垫好，真能做满 15 分钟的人很少，中途可改成蹲姿骑乘（脚掌着床）省力，角度也更利于撞G点。
男生往上猛顶就失去这套的意义。开口让他躺住，顶多轻微配合，主节奏必须在你。
润滑不够会磨痛，尤其是慢8字那种长时间贴磨，中途可以抬起来补。
坐直进太深顶到宫颈，立刻改前倾，让龟头从“顶死”变成“刮过”。
建议 15–20 分钟：前 3 分钟进入和找点，中间∞字加变体，后面一次坐直吸牛奶和余波。注意看男生你抱屁股求快的手、你坐直静止时小腹的收缩，以及结合处8字的慢轨迹。

[Dawn ☀️🌺 @rhinestoneeye21]

CHARLIE KIRK IS GONNA BE AT MY UNIVERSITY TOMORROW IM KMS

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@amountainsunset @rinnitensei More like conceived

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

Do people not realize that this was theoretically possible on any iPad out there? Not to mention that two audio playing apps wouldn’t work concurrently because they would keep conflicting with each other. This would be unusable even if the apps allowed for it which I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t.

[juju 💰 @ayeejuju]

we are so cooked 😭

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@hotpotlover67 @tris_zalana Omg same! I need that threesome RIGHT FUCKING NOW

[eduard @vespertwinks]

could've been 5 minutes longer

[sebastian @sebischopped]

Happy Kirkaversary!

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@ylevi0 I’m pretty sure people on social media keep up the legacy of the paparazzi.

[Vlad Puten @VladPuten]

@wgibosnia This album’s so addictive. Took me forever to get a grasp on but ever since then, it has become my travel album. Whenever I’m omw somewhere, I put it on. It helped me with my height anxiety on the plane lmao