Old Karate Tortoise

Secret middle pickle

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

I live the majority of my life through one nostril

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

I'm going to create an app that gives you directions but will constantly give you a choice between two routes without telling you which one is faster. At the end of the trip itll tell you total time elapsed and fastest possible time. Itll force you to explore and learn new routes

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

@HonoluluBlues_ Who was the first president of the United States?
But you can't say George Washington.

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Josh

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

@uncensoredpromo Yeah, to hit him would be too far. The kick they're at least on level ground 😂

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

I hate the term needy or clingy. It's not that I NEED you. It's that I WANT you. I'm great on my own, but I'm better with you.

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Am I the only one that gets mad when someone I had a small crush on in highschool but doesn't know I exist get engaged?

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

@tacobell All of them?

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Need to get better at hacking my guy

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Can yall quit trying to hack my Twitter? I'm tired of the email confirmations

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

And in the summer?

[JScott @J_Scott2017]

Can we make it Super Bowl Saturday… I need a day of rest

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

You ever just have to fold your laundry so you go take out your contacts and accidentally put an earbud in your eye?

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Purchasing food and eating it while you shop feels illegal

[Pardon My Take @PardonMyTake]

⛳️🎁HOLIDAY GIVEAWAY!!!⛳️🎁

WE ARE GIVING AWAY...
A TaylorMade Dream Full Bag (set of 14 clubs)

You must be following @taylormadegolf AND the PMT twitter account in order to win as well as Retweeting this tweet to enter!

1 winner will be chosen!

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

How much gravy could a Yung Gravy crave if a Yung Gravy could crave gravy?

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

@hrtapp @LionsPR

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

The fact that Tums have become a part of my well rounded diet is upsetting

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Round 2 in the books

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Yeahh hot boy summer went about how I expected it to..

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

Isn't not liking dogs a little racist?

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

My biggest regret is telling some one when I was 11 that my guilty pleasure was thongs without fully knowing what guilty pleasure meant.

I can now confidently say it's cookies.

[Old Karate Tortoise @VlisidesJosh]

You ever wondered what the 70s smelled like?