Voltramax

We here at Voltramax strive to bring good service to the people through positive synergy and community action. Together, we can make a difference! (satirical)

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Greetings to all consumers, Intern V2667863 here to say that V3924833 has been transferred to our Foods division. He will be missed, but his soylent products are fantastic.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

The man buys a company with a blue logo and you immediately think of us. What if we want to be a red company? Or yellow? Maybe purple? What if we want to be a green co- lol, okay, maybe not a green company.

Though it is one of our CEO's favorite colors.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

In the spirit of the holidays, we're taking this idea under consideration. We'll even arm them for good measure. May the odds be ever in their favor!

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen @kabage The fat man will pay what he owes. One way or another, we will win this war on Christmas. All we need to do is keep melting the ice caps to force him out of his stronghold.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen Voltramax likes to do it in person, our HR department enjoys seeing reactions in real time.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen @kabage That it does! However, we regret to inform you that there are supply chain issues at the moment, We are working diligently to resolve these shortages and are eager to officially launch our next big product.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen @kabage Voltramax diversifies to make life more convenient and efficient. Imagine: you sit down for a nice Voltrameal served by a robot, take a refreshing sip of your carefully rationed Voltrawater and a deep, cleansing breath of recycled Voltra-air on your 15 minute break. Fantastic

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Pineapple mandatory.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen No one tips the interns, we even put up a sign to make sure no one does it. It gives them hope

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Why would we resign? We get all the benefits of working for Voltramax. Last week I was allowed to see the sun. It was bright, it kind of hurt...

To be honest I was a little frightened.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Wasn't us. We use it for quite a bit. It's useful for spreading information.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

@michaelknaepen Which time? That's a really vague question for us. There is so much we've done on so many different occasions.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

All in all, we're just relieved that they didn't know anything about what we've been doing with a similarly labeled box.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Untrue, we do our best to make sure you still own the debts.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

We understand these events are concerning, but we assure you this is a completely natural phenomenon and not the result of highly questionable experiments conducted in secret beneath the mountain.

Carry on, consumer.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Look, mistakes were made, but the important thing to know is that the CEO got out and we've freed up a lot of numbers for our intern system.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Violations of the temporal prime directive are a serious matter.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Honestly, it's a fascinating method that can have a positive impact in multiple fields. We look forward to finding ways to monopolize it.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

We do like the idea that the machines couldn't harm us. However, even Asimov recognized that the three laws had a potential flaw. How can machines protect humans from harm if the greatest threat to humanity is themselves? Their solutions would be... unpopular

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

We don't speak their names, we don't look directly at them, and we never, ever, break the circle of salt we used to contain them.

[Voltramax @VoltramaxLLC]

Attaching a flamethrower sounds like a brilliant idea. We'll be sure to remind everyone who gave us the idea during the product launch.