john !

𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦. — — layout by @melodiouscosmos

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

ˊ ˊ 𝘪’𝘮 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱 . ˊ ˊ

𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 . . .

ː 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍 𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐍 ː

½ of 𝙌𝙐𝙀𝙀𝙉’𝙨 𝘙𝘏𝘠𝘛𝘏𝘔 𝘚𝘌𝘊𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕 .

♡ & ↺ ?

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

leave like that , not again. you can’t , you — you’re not allowed! “

he’s near-hysterical in his gaze and yet so put together in his demeanor ( for the most part ). it’s terrifying , really. but the fear john had , that was more terrifying than anything for him.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

john resolves the unanswered, unasked questions with fresh tears in his eyes as he jabs a finger in ted’s shoulder harshly. it’s a terrible contrast , his quivering lip and the biting pressure that is his pointer in ted’s direction.

“ you’d better not —

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

— there’s a quiet that falls for a long moment, wavering, uncertain, dancing between them as if a word will send them both toppling.

“i— ,” ted breaks that silence.

he brings his hands together in his lap.

he can’t think of anything. does he leave? does he leave this +

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

the cigarette held between his fingers is long gone now , stubbed out and put away. john’s hands twitch again as he glances up to the other.

“ . . what now ? “

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

it’s necessary that the bassist reminds himself of the same , but he finds himself hesitating at the thought of leaving ted without help.
something about their connection , it wouldn’t make sense to just leave him behind like that.

so , despite the odds , john finds —

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

— ted can’t be fixed, not by another person. at least, not this time.

john needs to understand that.

he flicks another fluttering of ash from his own cigarette, overly aware of john’s weighted presence next to him, as if the other is laying bricks on his back.

yet it doesn’t +

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

himself content letting a dry chuckle slip past his lips. as grim as it was , as unfitting , he couldn’t find a more appropriate reaction.

“ and you don’t deserve it either. you never did. “

that’s what this whole thing was about in the first place , right ?
—

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

sounds suspiciously of a certain band mate ( that he tended to ignore every time he said something so introspective ).

“ it . it wasn’t you , right ? i mean — it was , in some twisted form. but that wasn’t you * in there.

right ? ? “

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

john drops his head into one hand , then runs it through his hair tiredly.
recovering be damned , a long drag from a quickly - fading cigarette is worth it to make it through this revelation. discovery , maybe , calling it a revelation sounds . . glorified .

“ ted , i . “
—

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

+ — he exhales through his nose, long, tired, yet oh so guilty and earnest for some glimmer of love that he hasn’t seen in so very long—

john’s question makes his heart sink to the ends of the earth.

he gulps, silent, eyes not moving from the carpet:

“over 10.”

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

the bassist shakes his head once , twice , and muffles a sigh. exhausted eyes lift to glance at the man , the one who looks so broken and torn apart by something he didn’t have control over.
‘ you can’t fix everyone’s issues every time , ‘ an exasperated voice reminds him. it —

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

sympathy-understanding-morphs-into-guilt emotions cocktail swirling in his gut. the lighter in his opposite hand rolls back and forth between fingers.

“ how many were . . affected , ted ? “

ash falls from a cigarette long forgotten in the space between words.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

the sharp ‘ click-click-click ‘ of a lighter , then smoke drifts lazily from john’s nostrils and mouth as he listens. so much for recovery. things change so quickly here , don’t they ?

his eyes soften into a pleading , near-fearful gaze as ted recounts the story. how could —

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

— ted goes quiet, takes a drag of his own cigarette, and finally speaks.

“he was the one who . . encouraged me to start lashing out. i was gettin’ really uh, egotistical, and then — then he stopped by and . . showed me visions or whatever they were. everyone hated me.”

ted +

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

he have been so blind as to what the man was struggling with ?

yes , maybe he took it too far * into his own hands , but the . . situation , it didn’t start like that. it wasn’t all * ted.

john doesn’t respond.
for a long time.
he’s too focused on the —

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

@DEATHBYMAGlC @chaiicesleaze / PLEASE 😭😭

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

@DEATHBYMAGlC @chaiicesleaze / WHATDO U MEAN. MY WORLDS HAVE COME TOGEHTER. BUD ITS MAL

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

“ you - what ? who the hell is elias — why are you changing the subject ? ? “

the bassist’s eyes flick down to the pack , fingers twitching.

“ i said i’d quit ,“ he mutters before taking one for himself. who is john to turn down the peace offering ?

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

— ted exhales, “johnny, i know. i was — did i ever tell you about elias? i’m not sayin’ it to put blame on him, jus’ . . so you’re aware.”

he quietly offers a smoke from the pack on the coffee table.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

there’s a conflicting burn in his fingertips , one that suggests a familiar itch for a cigarette. he really * wants out of this entire situation.

“ i don’t . .
you - you could have reached out , christ *. there were better ways to handle it , you know that. “

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

— there’s a flash of something hurt in his own eyes, and ted has to look away. he doesn’t know if he’s . . even allowed to hold john. so he sits there.

“‘cause i hated myself, johnny.”

that’s all he trusts himself to say.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

[ the fire that once blazed in eyes so accustomed to warmth and love was dim now , replaced reluctantly with tears john didn’t know he had. ]

why did you do that ?

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

. . yeah, yeah. go on.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

you have to be okay with that possibility. it might be all you have.

. . .
ted , i . . have a question.

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

yeah. m’in the process. s’taking time, and — and i’m being patient. fuck, it’s okay if i’m not forgiven.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

. . well , did you make amends with the others you hurt ?
i don’t deserve that any more than the rest of them.

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

i was being cruel. i was an asshole, i hurt you, and i’m not here to make it worse. m’here to make it better.

[john ! @WHONEEDSY0U]

why do i not believe that ?

ted , you were there. you know what happened.

[→ TED. (ARCHIVE.) @chaiicesleaze]

john. i — listen, m’not here to antagonise.