Joel Wade

I'm a firm believer that a firm handshake should be firm, but not too firm.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn't sure I was using correctly.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

“I’m sorry it’s so warm in here.”

-me to the burglars who just broke into my house.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Murderers should just dump the body in a cemetery. That way police will find it and be like "oh this makes sense."

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

*Mario breaking up with Princess Peach*

“It’s not you, It’s-a-meeee!”

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

They putting a tarrif on Narnia and I’m just saying Aslan isn’t gonna take this lion down…. Good night everybody 👋

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Debt collector: Sir, you have an outstanding balance

Me: Omg stahp ☺️

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Me for no particular reason:

get out
LEAVE!
right now
it's the end of you and me
it's too late
NOW!
i can't wait for you to be gone
ITS TOO LATE!
Cause I know about her
WHO?
And I wonder
WHY?

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Blackstreet as lawyers:

Your honor, the prosecution has yet to prove beyond a reasonable diggity that the defendant is guilty.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

The spread of misinformation during April fools day is frustrating and I can only imagine how the internet would be if this kind of behavior was allowed on the reg.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Idk this day could use a little bit more Mon if you ask me.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

@PopTartsUS

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Have we tried printing tarot cards onto pop-tarts yet?

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

If you find yourself about to make a big purchase, stop and ask yourself:
Is it worth it? Can you work it? Put your name down flip it and reverse it!! Isurithanample! Isurithanample!

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

I refer to animals by the sound they make before their name.

For example:
“Moo” Cow

“Woof” Dog

“Do you know who my father is?!” Tanner

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

*Bop it…Twist it…Pull it*

-me shopping for avocados

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

For those that were wanting to know..
My fashion style is referred to as “Wet Bandit chic”

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

When walking into a club, I make sure to locate the precise location of the windows and walls...this will be important later.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Youth Pastor : y’all know who we need to thank for giving that “Hawk Tuah” for our sins?

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Wearing sunglasses is kind of a dick move to sunlight honestly.

Photons traveling 93 million miles and right when it's just an inch from my eye I'm all

"umm, no lol”

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

Joshua Tree is my favorite National Park that sounds like someone coming up with a fake boyfriend’s name on the spot.

[Joel Wade @Wahday44]

i wanna learn how to drive a stick shift so I can tell my friend in the passenger seat to “hold on to something” then shift perfectly in sync to 🎵 Click Click Boom 🎵