Wat. Stein.

I remove thoughts and commentary from the context of daily life for your amusement. Lower your expectations.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Watching Neil deGrasse Tyson explain the universe reminds me to let my dog in before the creepy kid next door feeds her his "experiment".

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

My favorite constellation is Neil deGrasse Tyson's 'fro and 'stache combo. I am pretty Zeus shot his first lightening bolt from Neil's aura.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Neil deGrasse Tyson would molest Orion if he could the belt off.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Bono likes to think he is not mainstream? Suckling from the teet of pop is worse than sucking The Man's knob. We all work for The Man, bro.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Leave it to the waiting room of a doctor's office in an Atlanta hospital to bore me back into the twitter.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Planning a wedding feels a lot like staring at the wall and nodding my head occasionally.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

The Ancient Aliens guys know a lot about extraterrestrials from thousands of years ago, but nothing of combs, hygiene, or human vaginas.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Stress feels a lot like Smurfs watching racquetball.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

There is nothing more awkward than locals' night at a small town strip club.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Everything I know about a quality Dutch oven was taught to me by my dog.

She farts smellier than a lactose intolerant vegan eating dairy.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

My life's best moment can only be verified by the daps of old white men.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Little Known Fact: Jesus was hilarious, because he was really good at walking the fine line between racial jokes and racist jokes.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

You can't hide self loathing under hundreds of fake smiles on the facebook, but please-please-please keep trying.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

I will only ever date a stripper is she puts her clothes on the same way she takes them off...

For money.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

"Yeah, that's what I meant to do..." - Jimmy Hendrix upon hearing Stevie Ray Vaughan.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Functional alcoholism is an underrespected virtue.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Me: "Man, I feel like shit today."

Him: "Yeah, allergies are awful right now."

Me: "Yeah... Allergies."

Definitely not alcoholism...

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

"I think I'll get back to jogging today.."

Five minutes later:

"Holy smoker's cough, Batman!"

Every. Fucking.. Monday...

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

I've never seen good looks hide an ugly attitude.

[Wat. Stein. @Watstein]

Apparently college happened... I don't recall when