Brian Watts

Copywriter / Comedy Writer / NFT Manager

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I don’t play golf, but I do date ex-girlfriends. Molly, Moesha, and Miranda were all mulligans.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

Crazy how so many jobs require that you drive a hybrid.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

Knight in Shining Armor
https://t.co/SrMY34LAvX
#NFT #NFTCommunity #NFTs #NFTdrop

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

"The grass is always grayer on the other side." - A dog.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I think the best part about being a white guy with mostly non-white friends is that I never have to worry about anyone stealing my mayonnaise.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

“I don’t need a personality because I’m wealthy and I can buy a personality.”

Isn’t that rich?

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

When you ask a writer what she thinks of this joke:

“ my friend in college used to go both ways, but we ended up parting ways.”

Response: “wait that’s it?”

Side note: she says the same after sex

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I was supposed to have a date with a ghost last night night,but she never showed…. Figures.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

In the next life, I’m just tryin’ to get paid… When I die, put my #NFTs in the GRAVE. #Drake

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

Under-estimation is the best form of motivation

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

Unscheduled @FaceTime calls are the new unplanned pop-ins at your home.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I'm not a big fan of sports, but that doesn't mean I dislike athletes. I ain’t no player hater.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I thought @nordstromrack only sold bras for the longest time.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

Never date a #pronoun! I hear they can be quite possessive.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

.@SpiritAirlines “Spirit stops selling spirits.”

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I’d say nine out of 10 college grads don’t know “alumni” is plural.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

This #coffee isn’t my cup of tea.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

If you’re old and white, there’s a good chance you’ll die from a heart attack. There’s also a good chance you don’t know how to dance. You can’t keep a beat, let alone a heart beat.

[Brian Watts @WattsSoFunny]

I no longer accept #movie recommendations with titles that have nine or more characters.