Ambitchous

Am• BITCH• ous: Striving to be more of a bitch than the average bitch •forever blessing your feed with sass and keeping you up-to-date on trends❥

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Mom: So how's school going?
Me: I'm failing
Mom: ..
Dad: *closes eyes*
Mom: honey keep it together
Dad: ..
Mom: ...
Dad: HI FAILING IM DAD

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

When we joke roastin each other but then u start up on my insecurities.

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

The most fucked up thing has to be when people that are totally irrelevant to ur life talk shit about u.

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

You know what's odd? Numbers not divisible by 2 ;)

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Ima be single till the day Spongebob gets his license and
Phineas and Ferb go to school

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Me: two more weeks and this year is over

Me to me: Bottle of bleach and it can be over now

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Laffy Taffy slappin us with the real shit

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Being the only person in a car not knowing a song has to be the longest 4 minutes of absolute loneliness ever experienced.

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

He had an ugly sweater contest with his boss. I'm dead💀😂

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

The newspaper the day I was born

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Mercury: What kind of planet r u?
Sun: I'm not a planet
Mercury: Then what r u?
Sun: I'm a mofking star boi

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

All I want for Christmas is you

to stfu

plz

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

When someone tells you a secret you lowkey been knowin but you have to act surprised

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Me when I'm texting someone in bed and they don't reply within 5 seconds

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Mom: when's the last time you had a decent sleep?
Me:

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

When l get a cold I fully sit and think about the times I had an unblocked nose and took it for granted

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

If you don't say Wed NESS day in your head when you're writing wednesday you're a fucking liar.

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Me: *spends $200+ shopping online*
Shipping: $4.99
Me:

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

Just dropped my new single
it's me
i'm single

[Ambitchous @WayTooAccurate]

An actual picture of my heart