You do that. And, please, don't listen to the voices that discourage you. There will always be people like that in your life. So what? Just try to ignore them. Just do what you want man. Life is too short for other people to stop you from doing what you love. It can be disheartening sometimes, but that's just the part of life. When someone says something like that, just cope the best you can, cry if you need to cry, walk, go to the gym, watch movies and listen to music, I don't know, and then get back to it. Words are just words, they can't hurt you, if you don't react to them. Sometimes things hurt, and it's normal, but you're not supposed to build your life around them. Because it's just a waste of time. In 10 or 20 years none of it will matter. Just a moment in time. So why not enjoy it right now instead?
Well I just did say what you are doing wrong. You're writing about wanting to do things as a fan, instead of actually doing them. What is the point? Nobody is stopping you. And if you think that they do, you're wrong. The only one stopping you is you. How can you not understand that?
And here's what frustrates me about your posts. You have everything to be a part of the community, but one negative interaction, made you withdraw from it. So the reason you cannot join is your own emotional sensitivity, depressive episodes or other psychological issues.
You're dreaming of the day you can enjoy a fan activity? Well that day is today. Every day. All you need is mental fortitude to experience human rejection, and still go on and do what you want. Otherwise watching you suffer alone for no reason is just painful and frustrating. It feels and looks like both community and Yuu have failed you in some way, and it's just not true. You suffer because of your choices. Make different choices and you will suffer no longer (at least from that)
Evangelion (1995-1997) is good shit.
I truly don't understand. I really don't. You should leave comments if you want to. You should comment on streams. You should interact in discord. And for fuck sake you should leave tags on your art. You suffer in a prison created and reinforced by no one but yourself. Human interaction can be painful, you will make mistakes. But it doesn't mean that you mustn't try to reach out and engage.
You chose to run away, and suffer alone. But running away doesn't fix anything. It just make things more painful. You don't even give anybody a chance to reject you. And even if they do, this is a part of life. Haven't you watched Evangelion?
And if you are too sensitive and emotionally unstable go to a psychiatrist and tell about your problems. There is a high probability that he will help you.
In other words DO SOMETHING. You know the definition of insanity? To do the same thing again and again, and to expect different results.