Peter Griffin

This is NOT Peter. *Parody Account* Not associated with Family Guy in any way. I just tweet Funny shit. Enjoy!

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Back in the day girls had cooties. Now they got kids and STDs.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

They say "Big Girls Don't Cry" - well just take their Big Mac and see what happens.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

"Does this dress make me look fat?".NO, it's the fat that makes you look fat, don't blame that damn dress hoe.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

*5 seconds of sex scene on TV* *Mom walks in* Mom: "What on earth are you watching!?" Me: "A show that was innocent before you walked in!"

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Girl : take The Condom Off ! Me : Why ? Girl : YOLO Me : OK But If You Get Pregnant YOYO Girl : What's That ? Boy - You On Yo OWN !

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Does anyone ever get that feeling in class when you just wanna scream out "NOBODY GIVES A FUCK"

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

(_!_) Normal ass (!) Tight ass (__!__) Fat ass (_$_) Rich ass (_x_) Kiss ass (_?_) Stupid ass (_E=mc2_) Smart ass (_O_) Gay ass

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

*scrolls down TL*.. that wasn't funny, you're ugly, you're lying, who asked you, lmao, song lyrics, quotes, learn how to spell, you're a hoe

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Fat girl remix: got cookies going so strong, drinking milk while talkin on the phone, ice cream with no cone..Got Snacks On Snacks On Snacks

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Dear ugly people, if you ever feel that you hate your life, don't worry, you are not alone. I hate your life too.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

I bet Kim Kardashian is jealous of Lamar Odom because he sucks more dick at basketball than she does basketball players.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Guys: it's not gay if you let a man fuck you in the ass, just as long as you say YOLO while he's doing it.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Nothing says I wish we had an abortion more than your parents buying you a Ford Focus.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Have narrowed my list of "Greatest Thing In The World" down to: 1) Bacon 2) Tits 3) A perfect ass with tits on it and a side of bacon

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option."

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

I don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of.

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

WOMAN'S LOGIC... Bikini: no problem Underwear and Bra: OMG!!! DONT LOOK!!!

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

2012 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."

[Peter Griffin @Whattshelikes]

What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke.