Whitest White Boy

I'm like the Tom Hanks of white people. #WhitestWhiteBoy

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

When did walking around town alone become the new clubbing for me?

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Don't you feel like a loser when you're pretending to be on the phone so other people don't think you're a loser. Defeats the purpose, no?

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

yo follow yo boy whitestwhiteboy on instagram @ joffreya

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

When a person says "live everyday like it's your last ", I always ask them why they're not raping, murdering and doing heroin then.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

I like my women like I like my coffee... not completely fucking insane.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

This morning I beat the living shit out of my roommate with bare knuckles as he was still sleeping, all while screaming "APRIL FOOLS"...

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Anyone know of a good bandwagon I can jump on?

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Saw a # in the stall that said "call for a good time". Met up with a guy named Jim. We played laser tag, and some Call of Duty. Great time!

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

I love listening to Juicy J from the comfort and privacy of my upper middle class home.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

If you can properly use the word "touché", then we can be friends.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

I make your mother feel young again, you could say I'm living in the past.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Being single has allowed me to get to know myself a little better... and by "myself", I mean my penis, and by "a little", I mean a lot.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

My room is the fucking Bermuda Triangle of Xbox controllers.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

so little to do, so much time.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Sometimes I need that romance, sometimes I need that pole dance...

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Dude, Mila Jovovich has the hottest almost naked body I've ever seen.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Money over bitches? Pfft, money and bitches.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Death Cab for Cutie and being depressed, and looking out of a window of a train on a rainy day just go hand in hand.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Too drunk at the party, went to the bathroom, turned on the tap, dumped half my beer in the sink. Continued to party.

[Whitest White Boy @WhitestWhiteBoy]

Work is all about covering your tracks and blaming your mistakes on other co-workers.