Whore Wife

Things my actual husband has said to me needed to be chronicled...and shared with the internet.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Dear Child-Free Millennials: You're Ruining Disney World https://t.co/9wApEmSJ8e

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

To DH: "drink lots of fluids, I'm horny, don't want to have deal with your hydration issues today."

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Are we the kinkiest wasps in the state, or the waspiest kinksters? There's a lot of weirdo wasps, but we're still probably on top.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Wife to husband: I guess that's a not so subtle hint...you literally just threw contraceptives at my head.

Husband: It was a gentle throw.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

"White men can objective women every bit as much as black men and just as well. Don't be racist, whore wife."

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

We’re driving home in the minivan, my son starts demanding to see the titties...repeatedly. My husband and I couldn’t stop laughing...he really wanted to see my parents cats.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

I had to cut sex short when my mother called to let me know she was running early. My husband came on my toothbrush after I left. I love him, but we have identical toothbrushes; I tried to mix them up and think he got the special one.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Quarter pounder? It's only a fraction of the whole.
You want a fish filet and hold the sauce, I've got some at home.
The list goes on and on.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Everything on McDonald's menu sounds incredibly sexual...upon realizing we hadn't eaten, we considered options, and then talked about a yogurt with my darling husband's cum in it for me for tomorrow...then started laughing.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

I don’t care about your narrative that my masculinity is disminished...I don’t want things in my asshole.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

When your husband complains about the dress he just tore off you being made of stiff fabric.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Earlier today “fuck me in my actual daddy’s house, daddy,” while taking it from behind.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

My husband just threw his credit card on the bar to pay our tap while we went to smoke and enjoy his beverage on the patio... while saying “I guess I have to pay for your vagina tonight.”

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Nothing like going to a party where half the women have slept with your husband and the rest want to.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Thrown away.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

From earlier....if you'll bleach your asshole, I'll take you out anywhere you fucking want. So, now I've got another item on the to-do list.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Daddy says: Sometimes I feel like I need a shoehorn (pause) for the fucking.

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

Posted by Daddy:
"You cum in my mouth more than you cum in my ass." -- The @WhoreWife3

[Whore Wife @WhoreWife3]

When you have sex on your period, love truly is a battlefield.