Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike

This page is dedicated to news and information about the activities of the FCT Minister. Parody. Satire. Sarcasm.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

But I don’t get holding the money bouquet like there’s up to half the money you sprayed in the club, inside it. Lol.

I guess it’s just for the image.

[CHICHI 🩷🌸 @chichiofficiall]

| LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, I SAY WE GON' WIN!
KNOCK ME DOWN NINE TIMES BUT I GET UP TEN!

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

If it’s a case of a car accident, you’ll be pulled out of the wreckage at risk of losing limbs or spinal damage or worse.
If it’s a case of drowning, everyone will be trying to get u to the nearest hospital without even attempting proper CPR, & that journey is the road to death.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

If you know the average Nigerians understanding of CPR or first aid, you’d see that after an accident, even if u survive, u have a greater chance of being killed by your rescuers in an attempt to save your life.

You’d be lying unconscious & people will be debating what to do.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

You people have started again with me abi?
Is it witches and wizards that will develop the FCT?
Rubbish!

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

Nigerian companies don’t understand the whole point of automation. You get a machine that produces ATM cards and it’s self-service, so now you’ve rendered some people unemployed.

But said machine only works when you’re the network is stable, which is seldom.

Where is the sense?

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

If you lie to the government, it’s called a crime.
But if the government lies to you, it’s called politics.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

I don’t believe in social media activism.

Tell me how many of you see me in real life and talk about the issues you vent about on social media?

After all this outrage about the senate, you’ll see Sean. Pres. Akpabio in public and be on bended knees shouting “Your majesty”.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

These revenue collectors are beginning to scare even myself.
Have they been replaced by Lagos thugs?

The other day on my way to work, I witnessed a road user being harassed and assaulted by these touts.

Is it now a “your money or your life” situation?

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

I’m used to seeing Samsung or LG or even Hisense televisions.

Went to a friends house the other day and his tv model is Nexus.

I was confused… Didn’t know if I was watching a television or a gas cooker.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

Do you know what kind of god-complex one must have to turn a tragedy into a mockery?

Sen. Pres. Akpabio obviously has no respect for the dead. How, therefore, can he have any respect for the living?

I hope the Wigwe family can forgive us for such insolence.

RIP to those lost.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

Someone driving home on a route he’s driven for years, finds himself under a trailer parked on the highway at night with no indicators or caution signs.
Then people start saying “G0d gives, G0d takes”
Is your God a trailer driver?!

We need to take road safety more seriously.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

You all have bombarded my office with complaints about this heat.
Am I supposed to envelope Abuja in one big canopy and put AC?
Yet some of you that complain about heat but once you see any place they sell roasted corn or indomie…
“Madam do hot one for me.

Confused people!

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

I think it’s time to ban the consumption of Turkey in Abuja. Took my staff out for dinner the other day at what I thought was a normal restaurant…

Rice- N3,000 per plate
Turkey- N8,000

Is it the rice or the Turkey that will belle-full them?

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

What if some of the hardship we face is inflicted intentionally, so more people choose to travel out and the west can get the labour force it needs?

Think about that.

The ease at which it got for one to relocate to UK or Canada in the last couple of years is quite suspicious.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

That person you’re helping today is gonna become very successful tomorrow and forget completely about you.
So whatever you’re doing now, do it coz you’re a good person.
Not in hopes of tomorrow’s reward.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

For the record… Sanusi does back CBN relocating, but he never said this.

Word on the street, he even has a daughter in CBN so how would he say this?

I researched this quote and didn’t find any source on the internet. So unless he said it on a WhatsApp group…

This is a hoax.

[Omotayo Williams @KadunaResident]

Sanusi was right.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

It must be getting harder for pastors to preach to people and make them scared of hell, when they’re already living in a country with a higher level of weeping and gnashing of teeth.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

If you know how much a ram is sold, next time you see ram suya, look at the quantity they give you for N1,000, then picture how many of those thousands it will take to make up the cost of the whole ram.

You’ll see that you should resign from your job and become a suya man. SMH!

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

King Charles’ motorcade not more than 5 cars. Traffic flowing freely. Naija who do you this thing?

In 37 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 49 minutes and 32 seconds, Muhammadu Buhari will be replaced as President of Nigeria.

[Hon. Min. of FCT Nyesom Wike @Wicked_Wike]

Someone struggled to start a business in a school area.

ASUU went on strike same month and students have been home.
Rent is due soon and they haven’t made any money. SAD!

In 40 weeks, 4 days, 13 hrs, 26 mins, 5 secs… Muhammadu Buhari will be replaced as President of Nigeria.