Chris Mester

Snacks are for children. I am a four course meal. Let’s unbutton our pants and dig in.

[diyzz @diyanyway]

precum should really be called “prenut butter”

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

@elonmusk, as a major investor in PAWG, you should have some say about this too.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

@Skydance, is there still time to change your new trade name to Pawg (Paramount-Warner Group)?

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

Thanks @Jardiance. Not for helping to lower my A1C, but for helping me learn a new name for my taint, the perineum. It’s a little patch of skin with a big story to tell.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

The fact that @ClayMatthews52 isn’t doing @ClayfaceMovieDC commercials seems like a missed opportunity. Especially after seeing that @CaesarsSports add.

[Vision4theBlind @Vision4theBlind]

Saturday Night Live skit with The Rock: "I invented a child-molesting robot...its powered by solar rechargeable cells and it costs pennies to manufacture, and it can molest twice as many children as a a human..."

SNL crowd laughs hysterically......

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

First time at @Costco today. I assume this is what purgatory is like.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

I believe in seeing the good in any situation regardless of how terrible or sad that situation is. That being said… @sfovergeorgia is now home to one of the greatest photobombs of all time. RIP to one of the best to ever do it.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

My new job is between a @McDonalds and a sex shop. No matter which place I go, my ass is going hurt after.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

@LincolnMotorCo. The new Lincoln Navigator commercial uses a cover of TLC’s song “waterfalls”. For anyone not familiar with the premise of that song, it’s AIDS. Not HIV, but full size Lincoln Navigator AIDS.

[Chris Mester @Wifeslopped]

@helloproducts, I have been using your sage and eucalyptus deodorant. Under normal conditions I feel fresh and clean. I am however growing more concerned that when the deodorant activates, I am attracting predators with the smells of rotisserie chickens. Any suggestions?