eeerrr… the bots are becoming kind of realistic. i see them here, in YT comments… it’s really unsettling and sad.
i’ll just keep focusing on the real people who are interacting, but i wish the bots didn’t exist. 🥹
if someone can help. cant seem to figure out the problem. obs keeps closing on me. no crash log. just closes. i tried everything including a clean install and rolling back an update but it still keeps happening. this started after i updated obs and got a forced windows update.
God I feel like shit these past few days but man I am TRYING to get out of the rut and get some motivation. 😩 Sorry if it feels like I don't have much energy sometimes! I'm trying my best!
sorry i couldn’t replay that much lost progress. i’ll play it all off stream for you guys and get us back to where we were.
i’m also sorry for being someone who can’t really lock in after having a vibe ruined, i bounced back easily switching over to TP because it’s easier when it’s just you and me, but i think once my mood is soured during collabs it’s a lot harder to lock in and pretend i’m okay. i just go nonverbal. i think that’s where my anxiety about collabing is coming from. and until i can assure that i’m going to be able to “fake it till i make it” if my mood gets botched, i think i’m going to be a lot stricter about my collabs rather than just not collabing like i have been. i love collabing with my friends and i love having you guys there. im slowly pinpointing exactly what i like about collabing and im going to stick to that.
i feel like i’ve missed out on a lot of collaborations because i can’t regulate my moods like other streamers can and that’s completely fair. i wish i was better at doing that and i’m sorry i’m not. i hate that past collabmates might think differently of me because i’ve gone nonverbal in the past. i think i do have some level of neurodivergence going on up in my brain and while a lot of people think it’s fun and quirky, i feel like i suffer socially because of it. if i ever get a diagnosis about it, i’d probably feel a lot better about myself than just sitting here thinking i’m an overly emotional, sensitive person. it’s exhausting not being able to mask / hide bad moods like other people seemingly can.
i just want to be the best content creator i can be for my crabcakes and i feel like i’m failing at that, so this is my explanation/apology/commitment to do better moving forward.