Will Hines

life perfect, have never had problems

[Will Hines @willhines]

Have never made a mistake; zero regrets. Whole life = as planned.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Good self-esteem is catfishing yourself. Is this anything?

[Will Hines @willhines]

@JoeManganiello @nytimes This is cool

[Will Hines @willhines]

everything I’ve ever done has worked

[Will Hines @willhines]

This is the other only good tweet I’ve done, only on Mothers Day

[Will Hines @willhines]

My penis is mommy to my balls.

[Will Hines @willhines]

My tweet from yesterday will be my only attempt to make a real point or opinion for the rest of this year.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Possible happy ending: the smartest AI bots all get social media accounts and shame spiral and doom scroll themselves into powerlessness. Social media will be ruined (good) and the bots too busy trolling to hurt anyone.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Possible happy ending: the smartest AI bots all get social media accounts and shame spiral and doom scroll themselves into powerlessness. Social media will be ruined (good) and the bots too busy trolling to hurt anyone.

[Anthony King @theanthonyking]

I think I actually mean this: Should a whole bunch of us pool some money together and buy Comedy Central?

[Will Hines @willhines]

I will make a 22 episode sitcom season TODAY, before lunch. Airing in my head, starring…….. ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Will Hines @willhines]

Nathan Fielder is hilarious and fascinating and also stresses me out. I felt it important to tell you this. I hope you’re all having a nice day.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Most TV shows I watch are technological miracles and also overall just FINE.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Someone will soon win a national election by simply giving the middle finger every time they’re on camera.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Happily? Ever dafter.

[Will Hines @willhines]

@FernieCommaAlex This is cool!

[Will Hines @willhines]

Social media is good and has never made me do anything weird. Now if you excuse me I need to meditate for three hours while I silently examine what my life would have been like if I married Bugs Bunny and had become a crypto king.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Drugs are wack! Wacking GOOD! 😂 only kidding I don’t do drugs. Or say wack! This whole post is a lie!

[Will Hines @willhines]

“El Nino” is the “mercury in retrograde” of weather.

[Will Hines @willhines]

These dirty dishes I left out are not my failing. They’re my LEGACY.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Idea #1037: make a self-diss track.

[Will Hines @willhines]

Maybe electing a mean egomaniac angry grandfather convicted of sexual assault who’s obsessed with punishing his enemies wasn’t as good an idea as it sounded.

[Will Hines @willhines]

I swear to you I sometimes do have ideas.