Will T.

CEO of Blah, Inventor of Blah,Blah. Husband to former Miss Blah. Father to Blah and Blah Jr.

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

The party is over, back to work. The opposite of fun is 'nuf. #2020

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

Last night at the restaurant it appeared Dave Grohl or a look-alike bloke nearly choked on his filet.

Was he sporting a full beard?

Nah, Foo Man Chew!

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I worked in finance at Heinz Products. I struggled with the workload and could never seem to ketchup.

#Lunchpun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I have an old apathetic friend who was born in a communist country who just doesn't care about anything at all.

China?

No, the so be it union.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

My wife decided she finally has enough when I wore the ill-fitting speedo on holiday in Ibiza.

That's when she decided to divorce you?

In a nutshell.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I'd really like to illustrate the dangers of risky sexual activities but my hands are tied.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I thought his most egregious act was masturbating in public whilst wearing a sandpaper glove. Do you agree?

Oh no, that's just scratching the surface!

#Lunchpun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

My wife still complains about that time many years ago when I ate two-hole pizzas and left her none. I really wish she'd let pie gones be pie gones.

#Lunchpun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I am glad to report that my father selected me over my brother to take over his follicle restoration empire.

I am the Hair Apparent.

#Lunchpun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

The US Supreme Court upheld the lower court ruling that discrimination against Albinos is a federal crime!

Some think it's beyond the pale, but I think it's very fair.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I'm giving away the last batch of extra strength laxatives to the first twenty customers who enter my store. Everyone must go!

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I won the 'Running Through Pastry' 5k!

Wow that must've been difficult?

Nah it was a real cakewalk.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

AC/DC were involved in low-income housing fraud. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

Happy 80th birthday to Mick Jagger!! Also happy 25th birthdays to both his granddaughter and latest girlfriend!

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

My brother"s whole house is cluttered with rotten fruit and dead plants. He's a real hoardiculturist.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

Shirley Manson was downright giddy at the King Charles coronation! She's only happy when it reigns.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

I have my laptop serviced at a tech brothel. It's a house of ill reboot.

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

Woke up in beautiful Florence! Hope my wife never finds out.

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

Her: Have you heard Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds?

Him: No, should I grab my shotgun?

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

There was potentially a three-way tie heading into the finals of the men's 10m platform diving event when the structure collapsed!

So suspense wasn't built?

#LunchPun

[Will T. @WillTeullive]

My mate the cannibal broke up with his girlfriend when he she started berating him. She became highly unlickable.