Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark

Speaker of snark. Player of puns. Reader of books. Baker of food. Runner of marathons. Thanks for all the fish, Twitter. Find me on Mastadon.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

After scientists got bored putting mice in mazes, they put humans in IKEA stores.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

Today I'm using up the last of @SouthwestAir points. If SWA is better priced than others, will fly again. But there's no way I'm paying premium carrier prices for SWA airplanes.

Also, assigned a middle seat w/50% capacity because I wouldn't pay a $48 seat fee per leg? Obnoxious.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

Pretty gross, @HiltonHotels

'Your Rate Never Existed’: Hilton GM Cancels Diamond’s $288 Room, Offers It Back At $1,090 - View from the Wing https://t.co/KMFDR4uXKG

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

The gentleman at the aisle seat adjacent said I'm the "rudest person" he's ever met. The off-duty flight attendant next to me said I'm the sweetest traveler ever. Meanwhile, the woman behind us is listening to YouTube videos at full volume.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

The world's worst tragedies:

3) Never to have loved at all.
2) To have loved and lost.
1) For leaves to fall after the landscaper has left and won't be back for weeks

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

In a universe of multiple possible realities, maybe we are in the placebo group.

--- my only comment on the #2024Election #Election2024

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

Thesis: There is nothing unique about a large US city that you can't get in another large US city.

Evidence:
- Voodoo Donuts in Denver & Austin
- Tattered Cover is owned by Barnes & Noble
- In-N-Out is everywhere

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

@runnerkristin Exactly! I feel so judged!

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

"I am very disappointed in how you're using your time."

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

I think @DENAirport forgot at least a zero here for precheck.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

"I'M A MOTHER WHO NEEDS HER SPACE!", I shouted in Jamba Juice at my son, surrounded by the shocked but understanding gazes of the parents around me.

--- my first attempt at an autobiographical mini story.

#amwriting #parenting #parentingteens

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

@mimi_x4 @EnviroWelfare Read this. What's disgusting is the group that posted the tweet.

https://t.co/XcHXIlrWuf

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

And let's look at who the "Center for Environment and Welfare" is, shall we?

https://t.co/XcHXIlrWuf

[Center for Environment and Welfare @EnviroWelfare]

The Humane Society of the U.S. operates 0 pet shelters and is unaffiliated with local humane societies. Here's how much its executives make.
Give local to help shelter pets!

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

The rest of the article title is "...to limit my spending."

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here thinking, "YOU ONLY PAID $3000 FOR A DISNEY VACATION?!? SIGN ME UP!"

#Disney #Disneyland

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

As a kid I wanted to write books, then realized I don't have much to say.

As a college student, I wanted to write short stories, then realized no one would buy them.

As an adult, I found my niche: verification codes.
✔️ Captive audience
✔️ Constant demand
✔️ Manageable effort

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

I don't care what the haters think.

#candycorn #fallyall #Halloween #thisishalloween

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

@davezatz At least there I'd get cherry jello snacks.

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

You know the worst part of adulting? You're supposed to do it https://t.co/aagyCECiUP.

#adulting

[Willowbottom Doesn't Have a Checkmark @Willowbottom]

@genegeorge I feel like there have been movies warning us about this...