If we were suddenly two trainbound strangers, passing hours of windowsill silence, I am certain each mile would belong to us. 100 years between sleeping lovers in a moment of blurred forests.
Not to be dramatic or anything but I was in love one time in my life and one time only and it almost killed me and I think it probably will eventually.
If you are an extremely introverted woman your 20’s might isolate you so much that you have lulling visions of yourself, aged and mute - in a lighthouse or something - with some niche hobby that collects around you like a castle of thoughtful quiet hours nobody will know.
I am too comfortable being alone, and too comfortable with the agony I’ve turned into an older sister. She talks quiet, and quiet. That is the sound of my heart beating, her voice murmuring, her cool hand on my back.
I fell hard for how he see’s the world. That’s why I fell for him I guess, he made everything slow down. I conjure ideas of him to make the streets beautiful again, to see agony and love swirl within a stranger.
I’m fine being alone a very long time.
When you leave
A coffin inside of me
Will splinter
Collapsing inwards
Overfilling with sodden earth
And from my lips, grass will grow
Long and sweet
Turning words to whispers
The hushing of a mother
Who promises to stay
Until you fall asleep
God assembled me wrong. He made me pretty but wrong. I don’t share my body with anyone because nobody has stuck around for my soul. I need to be less all around. I don’t feel “here.” I’m Always alone. Always. Another Christmas in this room. A clock ticking in a dresser drawer.
You think I’d post my earth bending poems online? Ha! They’re all going to be in the book I haven’t been writing for five years. You’ll see, it’s a masterpiece.
Whenever I get down I think of what my stepdad always used to say
Hey useless, get the fuck out of my face
And I continue to stay down
Follow me for more words of wisdom and aphorisms on love
He lays on my heart like an old dog by the door, sweet muzzle whitening, waiting for me to come home.
The thorn in my lung burrows down, another calendar-X. I have stopped saying, maybe tomorrow I will be better. Then I can come home.
Deserve deserve deserve.
I need you to whisper in your storybook voice, to tell me how your parents fell in love, where it hurts, the friends you’ve lost, the time you almost gave up, and you have to do it as slowly as possible.
A 17 year old cut into my cafe conversation the other day and said I had “schizo-aura points for that” and I don’t know whether that’s bad or some deeper, more secret thing.
We ended up being together, and I still think about that - noticing the way he touched things, the subtle indications of him listening when others were speaking - he really hears the whole room. He is all the things the cups told me he was 2 years ago.
I fell in love with a stranger while he was setting coffee cups for our friends - I envied his mugs - each one with some unknown significance to him, a place, a gift, a quote - each cleaned, held, and sat so incredibly gently - their handles so well attuned to his hands.