Witch's Brew

Writer. Procrastinator. Craft beer connoisseur. Buckle up for the absurdity that is my mind.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

To be fair though, Voldemort was dumb too. He comes back, he has a spy that knows the secret entrance from the shrieking shack and Dumbledore was kicked out. Maybe just pop in for a visit. Why did you need the prophecy? You already wanted to kill Harry Potter. Just do that.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

I've got Harry Potter on the brain what with all the new movies coming out. So let's review some terrible life choices on these people's part. 1. Why didn't Harry have back up guardians lined up? They picked Sirius, the least responsible friend they have, to care for a newborn.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

And Moody straight away. And once you start suspecting Horcruxes are involved (book 2), go talk to Slughorn then! Start finding them. You've got the sword and basilisk fangs right there!

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

It's 7:35, it should've been 8:35, but it feels like 10:35. That's a good enough reason to sleep now, right?

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

The only way Harry made it to the end was because he was a Horcrux right? And once Voldemort destroyed the Harrycrux, Harry can't speak Parseltongue?

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

I love that Neville is wearing a casual sweater during the battle of Hogwarts.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

Would that decrease the effort level needed to destroy a Horcrux? If he had an entire soul would he have survived the bounce-back curse from Harry?

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

For academic purposes, when Voldemort split his soul in seven, did it halve the one in his body each time? Or were they evenly distributed? The first horcrux made, was that 50% soul then the final one 1.5%? #HarryPotter

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

How Voldemort should've gotten rid of Harry: mail him some poison or some explosive contraption. Harry loves mail. That would be way funnier if Voldemort had a deadly prank war with Harry.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

Why is there even a spell for shooting a snake at someone? Who was like "you know what this fight could use? A snake just doing its snake thing."

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

Transparent? That's because too many people were playing pranks on people (smashing mugs, moving things around then putting them back). They were messing up the timeline, so they put a law in place. Time machines only allow you to observe now. #Ghostbusters

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

What if we don't have ghosts? Maybe it's just time travelers messing up. They got dressed in their 1800s costume and accidentally popped into 2021, realized their mistake, and dipped out really fast.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

There's talk of a gay James Bond, I guess. Let's have a bi James Bond. Seduce everyone! Hugh Knocker, his man servant, is a spy. But like a double-spy, whatever that's called. And Alma Fuk (you up) is his personal trainer. She gon whip him into shape.

[Witch's Brew @WitchsBrew2]

Level of life today: telling your dog for an hour that's he's a pretty boy, he's a sweet boy, he's the best boy while it rains on the patio and you both get progressively more soaked. #liveyourbestlife

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

Oh c’mon. We only rate dogs. This is a Silly Seaside T-Rex. Please evacuate the beach immediately. Thank you… 13/10