Joey Witten

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

Going on the @insomniacookies website and it asks if I accept all cookies. As long as they're not oatmeal. Why else would I be here???

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

Not to flex but my phone didn't make a sound with the emergency alert test today. I may be late to find out if a nuke is coming but at least the signal didn't activate my vaccine. Take that, libs!

[Sam Reich @samreich]

A thread about the strike and Dropout production: 👇✊

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

my favorite part about getting circumcised as an adult is they let you pick the style of cut

[Jess Medley ✨ @JessMedley27]

baby’s first valentine’s day 💖 thanks @hinge

[Davram @davramdavram]

Kyle Rittenhouse thinks he’s JESUS CHRIST whereas this veteran thinks he’s an INSURGENT. Slightly different takes.

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

How has @elonmusk not been Christmas caroled yet?

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

Just to clarify: this is not sarcastic.

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

@BrunoMars my roommate, @dgamerdude , really liked your performance at the Baron investment conference today. He can't wait to buy tickets for your next concert. He said you are a very talented performer.

[Jess Medley ✨ @JessMedley27]

spot the difference

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

I just witnessed a bird fall from the sky, dead. I've read enough Shakespeare to know that shit is about to go DOWN

[Joey Witten @WittenJoey]

#NewProfilePic

[Angie Maxwell @angiemaxwell.bsky.social @AngieMaxwell1]

Two weeks ago, I had four precious 12-year-old girls, including my daughter, with me at the county fair. They were getting blue Icees and corndogs for the walk to the car and ride home. (1/21)

[lauren @laurenmadsennn]

“working on a cruise is the arts school version of joining the military”

[Bunsen, Beaker, Bernoulli & Brix @bunsenbernerbmd]

If you are having a bad day, open this.

[Jason Selvig @jasonselvig]

What’s the difference between god and transgender people? Transgender people exist.

[Olivia @labias_corpus]

I’ve had Crunchwraps more supreme than this court

[Judd Legum @JuddLegum]

1. This will be a thread of corporations that plastered their social media accounts with rainbows for Pride Month

➕

How much those corporations donated to anti-LGBTQ politicians since 2021

Follow along if interested.

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

*turning to my wife as tom cruise sends a text message in top gun maverick* you know he really learned to text for this