Andrew Swearingen

Writing stories about life, the universe, and time travel.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Ketchup packets are annoyingly small.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

90% of the time I misread the word “hobgoblin” as “hobo-goblin”.

I’m still pretty sure it’s an upgrade. https://t.co/5e99uCEJbx

[Ted Atchley, Fantasy Author and Panthers Fan @TedAtchley3]

My son loves @jjjohnsonWrites Iggy and Oz books.

Check out his latest project on @Kickstarter https://t.co/ZNgBdDNtfR

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Have we stopped to consider the possibility that it’s pronounced “lee-ma” beans?

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

I think, in the final analysis, much of my sanity will have been preserved by long evenings of listening to a podcast while washing the dishes.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Dear Midwesterners with “Salt Life” bumper stickers,

Why? Just why??

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

@AuthorClintHall Throw in an unprotected second round pick and it’s a deal!

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

@AbigailFalanga I don’t typically follow someone just because I’m a fan.

They’ve got to put good stuff in their feed.

I end up following lots of comedians cause they’ll post bits of their stand up sets and it’s good for a laugh break.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Ah parenthood.

When the most common phrases uttered in your household include:

“Please don’t slosh your pee.”

“Get the Lego out of your ear.”

And “Don’t poop on Elmo!”

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

@lonemagician No sauce. Ketchup if I’m feeling feisty.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Fish sticks are such a weird food.

You are either so grossed out that you can’t stand to look at them. Or you accidentally eat 48 of them in one sitting.

There is no in between.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

I hate to put it this way, but Disney is starting to feel like an abusive spouse who keeps promising to do better, but never acknowledges the shady crap they’ve done in the past.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Idea: A convention for people who study Julius Caesar and the rise of the Roman Empire.

And we’ll call it “RubiCon”.

(Please don’t steal this idea.)

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

After much thought, I am convinced that it is not only possible but likely that an alternate universe exists where “Bandaid” refers to a sugary beverage marketed primarily as a means of replenishing the electrolytes of high school marching students.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

I watched two episodes of Outlander.

Two!

And now?

Every character I try to write has a Scottish accent.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

@AbigailFalanga Give them things of significance that you can take them away that don’t actually harm/kill them bodily. (Think John Wick’s dog or Serenity from Firefly).

I also enjoy having one of their compatriots work as a meat shield and get the snot beat out of them for the whole story.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

I can’t explain why, but I really miss DVD menus.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

At what point did my life become the “Pedro-Pascal-laughing-until-he-starts-crying” gif?

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

Corndogs are seriously underrated.

[Andrew Swearingen @WittySwearWords]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s okay if you throw those alternate flavored candy canes away.

If you haven’t eaten them yet, you probably never will.

[Sunrise Publishing @SunrisePublish]

Announcing our Season 9 authors writing epic medieval fantasy in our Blood of Kings: Legends series with @JillWilliamson, releasing in 2025. Congratulations to our newest Sunrise authors!⁠ @WittySwearWords @KellyFernlake @FloricaNiki
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⁠🌞https://t.co/nuKyoW7IGj⁠authors
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