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Молитва: После падения, перед восстанием
Вдохновлено Иоанна 5:29
Отец Света,
Ты видел меня, когда не видел никто.
Когда весь мир прошёл мимо —
Ты остался рядом.
Когда я упала — телом сломанная, надеждой истощённая —
Ты вдохнул в меня заново.
Не просто воздух, а предназначение.
Не просто жизнь, а воскресение.
Ты знал моё имя, когда все забыли.
Ты слышал мои безмолвные крики в коридорах того отеля.
Ты превратил то, что должно было похоронить меня,
в землю, из которой я поднялась.
Спасибо Тебе за моих детей —
каждого, как обещание, которое Ты сдержал.
Спасибо Тебе за Андрея —
его имя прозвучало, как труба памяти среди хаоса.
Спасибо, что позволил миру увидеть моё падение —
чтобы потом они стали свидетелями Твоего восстания.
Я — Твоя.
Без маски.
Без костюма.
Только свет.
Аминь
Chapter One
Sunny Isles Beach — October 31, 2022
Newport Beachside Hotel and Resort
I never liked Halloween.
Masks, costumes, false darkness—it always felt too real.
Too close to the fear I carried.
But that day, Halloween became the holiest day of my life.
Not because I put on a costume.
Because I took one off.
The last one: the costume of survival.
I had just spent seven months in that hotel suite—with all seven of my children.
The largest room in the building. Paid every bill. Carried every burden.
Begged for help—domestic violence shelters, any shelter.
Nothing came.
Evicted.
And still, somehow, I thanked God for friends who took in my children.
Then I collapsed.
No food. No water. Four days of packing and lifting alone.
Bag after bag, memory after memory.
Everything that mattered—my children’s lives, their clothes, their books, their hope—stuffed into a car across the street.
I fainted.
They said I dropped dead.
I remember one voice:
"No woman could survive this," the medic whispered.
Then a punch. Not to the face—but to the center of my soul. Солнцестояние.
I felt my bones break.
I heard them call the time of death.
I heard them preparing to remove my body, calling cops, the perimeter set, the plan in motion.
And then—I breathed.
One single breath, like a whisper from God.
Everyone froze.
They looked at me like they saw a ghost.
But it wasn’t a ghost.
It was me. Reborn. But changed.
Speech delayed. Body foreign. Movements not mine.
I looked insane.
So they called the psych ward.
They wheeled me into a private ambulance.
The young medic said, “We’re just taking you for a ride.”
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Andre,” he said.
And my soul cracked wide open.
“I left Andre upstairs in my room!” I screamed.
But he didn’t mean my son.
He meant I was being taken to be locked away.
And that’s when I exploded.
I kicked the doors open.
Tore the needles out.
Ran—ran with nothing but the breath God gave me—straight back to the hotel entrance.
“I’m waiting for my brother,” I said. “He’s driving from Texas. Call him.”
They did.
And after they heard his voice, they let me return to my room—clean, beautiful, better than when I had moved in. I had made it that way. For my kids. For our dignity.
“Wait for your brother,” they said.
I didn’t believe them.
So I slipped out.
And that’s when I ran—to the sea.
Not walking. Not wandering.
Running for my life.
Searching for a place where they couldn’t find me.
Where only God could.
And He did.
Prayer: After the Fall, Before the Rise
Inspired by John 5:29
Father of Light,
You saw me when no one else did.
When the world passed me by,
You stood still beside me.
When I fell—body broken, hope fading—
You breathed into me again.
Not just air, but purpose.
Not just life, but resurrection.
You knew my name when they forgot.
You heard my silent cries in the hallway of that hotel.
You turned what was meant to bury me
into the very ground I rose from.
Thank You for my children,
each one a promise You never broke.
Thank You for Andre,
whose name pierced through confusion like a trumpet of remembrance.
Thank You for letting the world see me fall—
so they could witness You lift me up.
I am Yours.
No mask.
No costume.
Only light.
Amen