Utah Wonka

Oh, so you live in Utah? Please tell me all about the greatest snow on earth.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're a University of Utah fan? Despite a big Rose Bowl announcement today, don't lose your heads. Remember and stick to the process. #utes

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're from Salt Lake County? Tell me all about how lame those Utah County people are who are demographically, psychographically and religiously very slightly different than you.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you let your child wear shorts to church? I'm sure it won't set a bad precedent.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, your son is in a charter school? Tell me all about how he acted out in public school because he wasn't challenged enough.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, your kids won't behave during church services? I'm sure it's not because you let them run around the halls when you take them out.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you drive a Honda Pilot? Tell me all about how it's much less emasculating than a minivan.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're on Pinterest on your phone in Church? I'm sure you're finding a dinner recipe for the sister who broke a hip delivering baby #7.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, your teenage daughter likes to get caught up in drama? I'm sure that's something she'll grow out of when she gets to Relief Society.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're so grateful for eternal families? I'm sure the sister you don't speak to bc she stole your boyfriend 10 yrs ago doesn't count.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you didn't go to BYU because "the rules are too strict?" I'm sure that's not a euphemism for "I didn't get accepted."

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you say you're not excited to speak in Sacrament meeting? Your constant commenting in Sunday School must be horrible for you then.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you think Utah has bad drivers? Tell me all about how people born in California are preordained to be sublime motorists.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you don't drink Diet Coke because caffeine and aspartame give you cancer? I'm sure your diabetes didn't come from your love of desserts.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you use your iPad at church? Tell me all about how you use for scriptures and not to continue tweeting about last night's RSL game.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, this is the longest Sacrament meeting ever? Tell me all about how everyone loved it when you spoke and weren't bored even for a second.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're apologizing at the start of your Priesthood lesson for being unprepared? I'm sure that will snap the class to rapt attention.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you live on the east side bench? Tell me all about how you love the view looking down on all the lowly, unwashed west-siders.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're excited about your football team's quarterback? I'm sure you won't be one of those fans calling for his replacement in week 2.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you just got called to be Elder's Quorum President? I'm sure you didn't plan for that to come up in this conversation.

[Utah Wonka @WonkaUtah]

Oh, you're complaining about the triple-digit July temperatures? I'm sure you never complain about the winter cold though.