Bethany

A Pissed Off Wordy Bitch With A Lot to Say!
26yr Old White Female - Petite Waif w/submissive tendencies
Adult Themed Stories for the Mature Minded !! 18+ NSFW

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

Hi All,

Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I needed to sort through a few things, both old and new.

I was feeling totally defeated on Thurs when they took down my new page. Having made the decision to try to start over, only to have it taken away after working on it most the night was hard.

I got off work and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and sleep. I called and left a message for my boyfriend, cancelling our plans for the night because I could not face him in my current state and have to lie to him again. I turned off my phone and went home.

He showed up around 9pm because I was not returned his calls. I could not handle it and I could not let him see the truth, though I came close a couple of times to telling him. We had a huge fight. I started it, I kept it going because it was easier that way then to admit everything.

After he left I did something very stupid. I am not going to go into details because I am not ready to, but I regret it fully. It was nothing I have really talked about before and it was not dangerous except to my mental state because it was something I promised I would never do again.

I had to call in sick Friday and I spent the last couple days dealing with my emotions, my failures and what I have become.

Last night I apologized to my boyfriend and made things better.

Today I wrote. I promised I would tell you about the 1st time I cheated. It was the hardest thing for me to write because everything I have done since all stems from that one night but it was cathartic. I was able to let go of a lot. I was able to be honest with myself for once.

I am ok now. I will be ok. I dont know what I will do moving forward with my relationship, with this app or anything. I have not gotten that far. I am just going to try to take it one day at a time.

I hope you enjoy reading it. Its rather slow to start because I needed to lay the foundation for everything that is to come from it.

I really poured myself into this. I hope that it reads well and I even tried to insure my normal typos are not there.

I really would love everyone's thoughts on the story as I feel it is my best writing so far, probably because of the intense personal nature of it.

I appreciate and value each and everyone of you and I am being 100% honest when I say I am much better now and I am going alright.

I will try to respond to everyone's messages tomorrow. Thank you again for all the kind words and support!

❤️Beth

https://t.co/cttgxcmkDA

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

The first time I cheated https://t.co/eQnrGkAsQr

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Anal_fucker12 Thanks babe, Im ok. I havent got to replying to everyone yet, been busy at work but I appreciate you kindness and support! ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

Mon Aug 3rd – Info and Latest Story Recap & Admissions

Morning All,

I really appreciate all the messages, comments & emails. I makes me feel valued and I will reply to everyone, but there are a lot and it will take me some times. So please bear with me if it takes a day or two for me to get back to everyone.

Part of the issue I am having with this app currently and what “role” I can have with it is that my actions seem so limited. I could try to RT a few videos to this page and I may try posting 1 or 2 here and there, but I obviously cannot do what I used to do with my main or tried to restart last week with the new page that was shut down immediately or I will lose this page as well. I know there are a lot of people who followed my old page who would love to know I am still around and would enjoy reading what I write, but I am not sure how I can reach them to let them know I am here without posting, but I am worried if I post, my page will be shut down.

If I just limit activity here to writing a story a week, it would make for a pretty dull page as I would have nothing else to post the rest of the week. So I am not sure how things will develop and therefore I am just going to take things one day at a time. I know this will probably be healthier for me. So that is a positive.

In terms of the story I published last night, as I can see from many of your comments, you definitely picked up on many of the underling themes I was trying to include. I obviously am jaded and bitter over the entire experience and what it did to my life, which comes through in just the title of the story, but that is absolutely how I feel, even more so now all these months later.

So yeah, he totally took advantage of me that night and the situation. I tried not to let my feelings now influence my story and what I was feeling that night because they are very different and I tried to be as honest as possible in my retelling, but I know I let some of that still come through.

I was in a vulnerable situation, between the fight with my boyfriend, the booze, my expectation that Tyler would never do something like that to me while I was in a long-term relationship with his oldest friend and a part of me that wanted to feel wanted/desired he totally took advantage of me and seduced me.

That was the hardest part to write and get across because at the time it was not even a consideration on my part. I definitely went through the various mood swings I described and he used my emotions to get exactly what he wanted out of me. One minute saving me from the other guys, to toying with me and expressing his long lasting attraction, to being the empathetic shoulder to cry on. He played me and I completely fell for it and him.

I also do believe he (or perhaps one of the guys in the kitchen) gave me something that night). At that time in my life, I normally was never as sexually aggressive and free of inhibitions as I was that night especially with a new lover. I would never have said the things I said or allowed someone to say and do what Tyler did to me that night normally. I really couldn’t sleep for 2 days afterwards and I had always blamed it on the emotions and how terrible I felt about what I had done but now I think someone gave me something, maybe meth or IDK?

Oh and I am not saying any of that to absolve myself of responsibility or guilt, it’s just how I have grown to understand what happened, why I acted the way I did, etc I can see how someone would read that and think that I am just looking for a way to excuse my behavior and take some of the blame off my own shoulders but I am not. Whether it was the alcohol, something else, or just me does not change anything and I take full responsibility for what I did that night and even more so afterwards.

The second time we had met up and had sex made it clear that I share full responsibility because I was completely sober and I initiated it. It was not until months later that I started to really question everything.

To give you the context because I don’t want people to worry as some of you had, Tyler was the stupid mistake I made on Thursday evening that I regret. After my fight with my BF that I take 100% responsibility for and after the emotional rollercoaster of the last two weeks I was too worked up, too upset, too angry at myself and I felt like I needed to punish myself or be punished.

I had no one to really talk to because I could not be honest with my BF who had just left. My roommate was out on a date and Kat was on a late night plane to the East Coast and I was feeling totally alone and hating myself. So put on a long coat and nothing else and drove to Tyler’s house for the first time in almost 2.5 months and let him use me all night.

The difficult part of writing the story about the first time I cheated is that it was a long time ago, I then cheated on my BF with him for about 6 months until I ended things in May, around 10 days after I had started my old page.

So it was hard not to include the emotional baggage I carry with me now from the 6months of our “relationship”. In the story there are definite nods to things that happened later.

Many of the spoken words I wrote are not an accurate representation of what was actually said that night. One, because of the time/distance involved between then and now and my drunken state, but also for more complicated reasons. For example, I don’t think he actually told me that he “owned my pussy” that night, if he did I dont really remember it. It was not until some months later, when our sex had become multiple times a week and increasingly demeaning and degrading, and when he felt he had full control over me that he confessed that once he saw Mike passed out, he set out to seduce me.

He told me once he was fucking me he knew he had me, he knew I was not going to be able to resist him moving forward and that he “owned my pussy”. So, while he did not say some of those things to me that night I included in the story, they were definitely present at the time in his mind as I later discovered what his intentions clearly were.

By the time I he told me those things, I was too far gone to easily break things off with him and actually got off on it as disgusting as that might sound. I had begun to thrive on the way he degraded me and him telling me those things only made me more his willing puppet. To let you know how low I had sunk during the six months I was involved with him, towards the end, before I finally stood up for myself and ended things, I had agreed to and prostituted myself for him, simply so he could enjoy my being degraded. That is the depth to which I had sunk.

Oddly enough as a few of you know, it was not the degradation and treatment of me that finally got me to end things with him, those things I had started to thrive on, no, it was that both he and I had started to catch feelings. We were toxic together and I knew that if he and/or I truly fell for each other it would be the worse possible outcome.

So much of this I could not say before, especially when my other page had grown so large, because it would have attracted the wrong time of attention and I already had enough jerks and assholes in my life but mainly because I was to afraid to be judged negatively if I admitted to it.

These are all things Kat knows and more and she is supportive of my trying to find a way to forgive myself. She feels the writing is a good outlet to help me move past the mistakes I have made.

So ultimately, I wrote on Sunday as a means to begin expunging my shame over what I had done just a few days earlier and for the six months after the party. I feel doing this publicly in a way is cleansing. While I cannot tell these things to my BF, telling you is freeing and just being able to put the words down on paper so to speak has helped me out greatly the last couple of days.

So in writing the story on Sunday, I could not figure out how to express what Tyler was thinking in the story and retain the 1st person perspective and my naivete, so I took artistic liberty and included what he later told me as spoken words. Giving you this context might help you understand how much more insidious his actions were.

So I can admit both that I was used and taken advantage of and it was also the best sex of my life. These two things are not mutually exclusive. If the sex had not been so dam amazing, I dont think things would ever have devolved to the degree they did

❤️Beth

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@dirtyoldsnco Thank you so much! ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

And I am not 100% of the drug thing, I think it might of happened, but it could have been one of the guys in the kitchen as they were pouring my drinks, or even nothing at all. If it did happen, it wasnt a date rape drug or anything like that. Or maybe its just me trying to find a way to explain my behavior to myself.🤷‍♀️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

I had successfully ended things with him 2.5 months ago and while I have done a number of things with other people since, I had stayed away from him completely, even two times we ran into him at functions. I just had a moment of weakness on Thurs that was the culmination of everything that has happened over the last two weeks and I needed to feel something. When I said yesterday I regretted doing what I had done, I meant it. I will never see him alone again.

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

Thanks! This was one of the posts I almost deleted a few times before I finally hit submit.

While I know everyone loves hearing about some of the things I do, like I have always said, I will share the good, the bad and the ugly.

This one is a combination of all three - bad choices, amazing sex and terrible guilt.

But I keep telling myself how much worse it and I would be as a person if I was just was happy go lucky going around cheating without any shame, pain, etc afterwards.

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Bigjackk573793 No dont feel bad. It was hot and like I said, it was the best sex of my life. It just happened to have been with an asshole 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@AshleyK37095698 Dont feel terrible. Your words are great and appreciated. I want honest reactions.

Just like I wanted peoples reactions to my story before I provided more context that would have affected people’s initial reactions if I had laid it all out yesterday.

Your good! ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

Idk. I am going to keep writing. It seems to help. If people find me and enjoy reading that is great.

In terms of X Ill wait a few weeks and try appealing my main page again. Currently it seems I am locked out from even doing that. But I plan to focus on me and figuring things out.

Thank you Jack for always being supportive! ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Darkknightdirty I bet she will enjoy it as well….

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Darkknightdirty Its so true though

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Darkknightdirty Lmao

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Darkknightdirty You never know 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@Bigjackk573793 Fucked up is a better description

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@vrrprat4360 Thank you! And yeah I get the booze thing. Neither of us usually drinks like that. I can count the number of times i have been drunk like that in the last year on 1 finger, so it was sort of a perfect storm situation 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

The first time I cheated https://t.co/eQnrGkAsQr

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@IliCatX Thank you! I had to sort through stuff and I didn’t make it easy on myself but I am in a much better place today. ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

Hi All,

Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I needed to sort through a few things, both old and new.

I was feeling totally defeated on Thurs when they took down my new page. Having made the decision to try to start over, only to have it taken away after working on it most the night was hard.

I got off work and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and sleep. I called and left a message for my boyfriend, cancelling our plans for the night because I could not face him in my current state and have to lie to him again. I turned off my phone and went home.

He showed up around 9pm because I was not returned his calls. I could not handle it and I could not let him see the truth, though I came close a couple of times to telling him. We had a huge fight. I started it, I kept it going because it was easier that way then to admit everything.

After he left I did something very stupid. I am not going to go into details because I am not ready to, but I regret it fully. It was nothing I have really talked about before and it was not dangerous except to my mental state because it was something I promised I would never do again.

I had to call in sick Friday and I spent the last couple days dealing with my emotions, my failures and what I have become.

Last night I apologized to my boyfriend and made things better.

Today I wrote. I promised I would tell you about the 1st time I cheated. It was the hardest thing for me to write because everything I have done since all stems from that one night but it was cathartic. I was able to let go of a lot. I was able to be honest with myself for once.

I am ok now. I will be ok. I dont know what I will do moving forward with my relationship, with this app or anything. I have not gotten that far. I am just going to try to take it one day at a time.

I hope you enjoy reading it. Its rather slow to start because I needed to lay the foundation for everything that is to come from it.

I really poured myself into this. I hope that it reads well and I even tried to insure my normal typos are not there.

I really would love everyone's thoughts on the story as I feel it is my best writing so far, probably because of the intense personal nature of it.

I appreciate and value each and everyone of you and I am being 100% honest when I say I am much better now and I am going alright.

I will try to respond to everyone's messages tomorrow. Thank you again for all the kind words and support!

❤️Beth

https://t.co/cttgxcmkDA

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

The first time I cheated https://t.co/eQnrGkAsQr

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@silver996680 Thank you and I am trying ❤️

[Bethany @WordyBitchBeth]

@GreyMis38835937 Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it. It was hard to write about something so long ago and be honest in the retelling without corrupting it with what came later, but I really tried!