Master Blorg

Toronto Comedy Writer with many t-shirts.

Stay at work father.

#comedy, #comedian, #comedians, #writing

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

"Tender" - it's like Tinder, but for cuddling. There's your million dollar idea.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

I think we all know which part of afterlife Cotton Eye Joe went to

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

Every time a trojan brings me a horse I get excited, and there when there aren't 1000 men in it I get disappointed. You have no idea how much horse guts I've had to clean up.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

But the horse I rode in on has NOTHING to do with this!

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

This documentary about WW2 does NOT pass the Bechtel test.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is greeey, Oh I'm colorblind. fuck.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

If you own a turtle surely the turtle knows it's going to outlive you?

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

I feel like stop and chats have gotten so much longer during the pandemic.
I just more time making small talk on the street with a neighbor than I have with my wife throughout our entire relationship.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

Apparently someone saying I have shaggy hair does NOT mean they want to SHAG me. My mistake, dude.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

Gotta say, @LetsGo2Court has helped me get through the pandem. I like my murder stories like I like my popcorn salad - horrific and packaged primarily in the Midwest.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

I've been using a weighted blanket for months and my muscles are huge now

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

"Sorry I missed the meeting, I was stuck under a weighted blanket"

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

Allergy season is like awards season for unhealthy people

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

I'm pitching a show about a talking racoon that lives in an apartment. How's your Monday? #MondayMorningRaccoonShowPitch

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

This documentary about WW2 does NOT pass the Bechtel test.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

They say if you're afraid of homosexuals that deep down you're a homosexual, which worries me because I'm afraid of vampire bats.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

I'm a baller (of melons)

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

What's the borderline between collecting & hoarding? Because I have a collection of 14,000 cats.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

apparently if you touch a star in real life you'll immediately be vaporized. Nintendo is just asking for legal trouble.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

My wife got me into RuPaul's drag Race, but now I keep calling her fishy and she super hates it.

[Master Blorg @WritesonWriting]

They say that you can tell how much inflation there is by how much an Arizona iced tea costs. In Ontario now, it costs more than the store that sells it.