Alfred Pennyworth

Butler

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

A young fellow at the market just complimented me on my “drip”.

…. What.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

I’ve no earthly idea why this wretched app persists in recommending extreme right-wing accounts for me to follow. I went to war to stamp out that sort of nonsense, I’ll not stand for it on my timeline.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@BatzarroE1 That’s… that’s all right. No need.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

// apologies, life got intense. I’m still here.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

At some point imax won’t be enough and they’ll just put us in a big tin can and shake it vigorously until our ears bleed. Good heavens.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne Terribly kind of you, Master Bruce. I’ll bring you something from the farmers market.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

Maybe I'll take Sunday off.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@TheBatman89SB “Some details I don’t need to know.”

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

In related news pretty sure Miss Kyle was on the roof last night attempting some sort of “booty call” but I put new locks on the windows. Apologies, madam.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@TheBatman89SB “Quite! I attended a local farmers market, perused an antique book store, and then managed to catch a viewing of the latest Dune film. I trust things were well in my absence?”

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne Were you planning on getting into any trouble?

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@TheBatman89SB "Then she hardly needed to sneak in through the window. Give the poor woman a key."

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne Truly not.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

“And how much /is/ a Pennyworth? One damn cent!”

A man at the dry cleaners makes this joke whenever I happen to see him there.

It has yet to be funny.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg Mmn, yes, well. If you can't resist target practice with the batarangs then I dare say we may find our Prime free delivery at risk.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg Already on its way, provided you can resist shooting down whatever delivery drone attempts to bring it.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@V3RG1LSPARDA @brucethwayne *discreet cough*

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg I assure you, if the coffee machine has gone missing, I had nothing to do with it. I am the one that makes the coffee in the morning, after all.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

In what reality would I lie about having absconded with a coffee machine. Absurd.

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@brucethwayne @dnightwingg I beg your pardon?

[Alfred Pennyworth @WrldsBestButler]

@confidentialbat Very well.