The Wry Philosopher

Reflections on the funny side of life. Irreverent humor, sarcasm, irony, comedy & jokes. For daily grins, put me on your favorite list, and keep coming back!

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

You complete me. I was half crazy until I met you, and now I'm a total lunatic. #wpwit

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

I got it on the first time once back in 2007.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Delta Variant: These vaccines are killing me. I can't get anyone sick except the anti-vaxxers.

Omicron Variant: Hold my beer.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

The Atlanta Braves:

Cinderella has arrived at the ball.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Alexa, how's my sex life?

Based on sounds coming from your home, you have sex 4 times a week. One with your husband who comes in 39.6 seconds, and 3 times by yourself while watching porn. Based on these facts I have put the Deluxe Vibromax vibrator for $129.95 in your cart.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Sure fire COVID prevention. Eat 5 cloves of garlic per day. No one will want to get within 6 feet of you.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Rudy blew a head gasket and he's leaking oil.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Pence was really bugged during the VP debate.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

COVID has the whole world going batty.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

They obviously don't understand the gravity of their situation.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

COVID Panic Porn:

Where everyone sits in front of their computer and mask-debates.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Sheltering in place will be causing the next baby explosion in 2021. This new generation will be called

THE PANDEMIALS

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Fencing is the perfect COVID sport. If they come closer than 6 feet, you stab them.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

During the pandemic, my girlfriend has me doing yoga in the house with her. My favorite part is at the end where she says "No More Stay"!

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Mouth Breather: A person who wears his mask with his nostrils sticking out over the top.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Home Depot is seeing a run on 6 foot hedge trimmers as hair salons prepare to reopen for business.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

All I hear about day and night is COVID-19.

My nerves are on COVERLOAD.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

It figures that just when we can't go anywhere that gasoline goes down to a buck a gallon.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

All the politicians are talking about re-opening the economy. What if they threw a grand reopening party and nobody came?

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

2020: Let;s all just take a mulligan.

[The Wry Philosopher @WryHumor]

Checkmate!