Maggie Perry

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

One of my biggest regrets it not being born with more hands to carry all my nursing shit with.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

I learned all my best dance moves from the Teletubbies.

[Cole M. Sprouse @colesprouse]

"Where's my hug?" he whimpered, further cementing his position on her no hug list.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

When you start to have too many feelings for someone

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

When you throw down a bunch of money on dumb shit you want, but haven't bought a single Christmas present for anyone else yet #treatyoself

[Eliza Bayne @ElizaBayne]

Wearing antlers on Christmas is a festive way to let everyone know you're a functioning alcoholic

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Getting a head start on being a cute granny that can't keep up with technology.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Not sure why everyone on the road is so cranky today. Pop a Xanax or something, people, it's Christmas! 🎄

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

If a girl is wearing a choker, her brain is probably not getting enough oxygen. Which greatly improves your chances with her.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

I like my coffee like I like my men. Strong and ugly.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Trying to drive home from the bar. Police man said no you guys are too drunk. Jimin said " officer please move". He did.

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

19 memes for everyone who loves sleeping, drinking, eating, and repeating https://t.co/MCzSFla2ho

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Just tried to enter an address into my calculator, is has been a long week 😴🙊 #NightShiftnurse

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

@JustusCliser @AndrewElser I disagree. Justus is white trash and secretly gay. Also not pretty enough to be Dennis.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

@JustusCliser If I'm D you are Mac.

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Some people say Drizzy isn't talented, but you know what he can sing with cheesecake on his face and I call that an accomplishment.

[BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed]

27 confessions that all introverts will relate to on a spiritual level https://t.co/RsZlP0S1QW

[Maggie Perry @XXLMarge]

Decided I'm gonna be Gail the Snail for Halloween this year