Alex Noble

Hyperactive geek comedian with a love for chaos
Xbox/Playstation/Instagram/Snapchat @XanderNoble
Nintendo: SW-8565-1708-8781

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Noble Horse

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

April 20th 2025: John Cena breaks the previously set record of 16 World Championship reigns to become the GOAT

22nd June 2026: Leo Messi breaks the previously set record of 16 World Cup Goals to become the GOAT

THE GOATS ARE HERE! 🖐🐐

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

The 2026 FIFA World Cup is the biggest ever, with a whopping schedule of 104 matches

of which half of them are way past my bedtime in a UK timezone so fat chance watching it all live 😴

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Michael is rated 12A

Even 17 years after his passing, MJ still can't be trusted alone with children

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

If I had a nickel for each time this year I've seen a film of a charming indie game featuring an eerie repetitive setting, horror elements + copious amounts of liquid, I'd have exactly 2 nickels (Iron Lung & Exit 8)

Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice 🫣

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

If a film got released today starring Sean Bean, Sigourney Weaver and Samuel L. Jackson, who would say "Bastard!", "Bitch!", or "Motherfucker!" first? 🤔🤔🤔

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Did time really feel slower as a kid?

Or was that just an illusion from the old 50Hz PAL region games I was playing, slowing the standard NTSC 60Hz rate down by a fraction?

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Usually when I have an awkward 2 hours to kill between things when I'm out, I find ways to fill it out, like catching a film at the cinema.

But you couldn't make me watch the Melania movie for any amount of money 🤢

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

If you're not a fan of all this new Gen Z/Alpha slang, then you're not gonna like the next couple of years.

It's literally 2026-7! 👐

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Forget 100 Men 🧍‍♂️ vs 1 Gorilla 🐒

I wanna see 100 Penguins 🐧 vs 1 Donald Trump 🤡

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Good Idea: Watching Saturday Night on a Saturday Night
Bad Idea: Watching September 5 on February 6

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

And that's gonna do it for being productive at all for the rest of the year.

I won't be getting round to doing any menial tasks or chores, or anything that requires more than a modicum morsel of effort.
I'll just be getting round 👅🧀🍫🍩

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

The lost track of time between Christmas and New Year's feels like The Purge, but with cheese and calories rather than rulebreaking and murder.

The Splurge, if you will.

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Ed Miliband had his "Milifans" a few years back, so does that mean Kemi Badenoch will start a following of Badenoch Baddies?

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Just got my PS5 Pre Pro-Ordered 🥸

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

I think Keir starmer'd a bit when he said "return of the sausages" instead of hostages. I suppose that happens when you have Hummus on the brain, I mean Hamas 🫢

[Zephyr @Zepdowntime]

Trying to impress a girl

Me: I can breakdance like an Olympian.
Her: Wow, that's so cooool~~ Like who?
Me: Like Raygun

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

Inspo Quotes: Bet on yourself

Conservatives: -takes it literally-

Inspo Quotes: Noooo not like that

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

People I left behind in 2023: I wanna Use you again

"New Year New Me who dis?"

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

When me and my Roman friend make a bet, I always wager £50, so even if he wins, he still has to take the L

[Alex Noble @XanderNoble]

When the in-game Achievement for unlocking all achievements in Slipstream is right there, but doesn't pop on the actual list #FeelsBadMan